here we go again

[Jstar]

i do think that today is it, actually i know that it is. i sent some msgs today taht his lack of actions has done nothing but to demonstrate he is playing games.

i said you are blaming me for everything, validated his feelings and said i did not feel he was being dishonest. i told him when he said the things he did about wanting his family on xmas eve, then show nothing since then it makes me feel lied to and that he is playing a game on me.

he texts back and says that's not it.
so i respond, then what is it, he doesn't respond.

i say when you don't answer direct questions it makes me feel mistrust for him and lied to

i said i've given him a chance to do something and u don't want it, to just leave us alone, we need peace not games and a roller coaster,

so he texts, it's u jstar, not me i want 2 help but id on't know where to begin so i say sorry u feel it's me, help we don't need help, how about we just keep things the way they are, it's been working, i said you've been told not only by me but someone else, counselor of what needs to happen and it's not something u want, anything less then that is just games by you, i met you half way and u made it how far, i can not do it anymore and get nothing,

so i gave him the benefit of the doubt and resent my choice emails. saying he needs to commit to me, kids marriage, set boundaries with his parents, do counseling, pay half of every bill expense, work each day at our marriage, that both of us messed up, or divorce, i said me and the children will know ur answer if you show up today, u don't we have ur choice.

he texts back, thank you and that was it.

it's been over 3 hrs since these msgs.

as i write this, i know it's pressure, i know it's an ultimatum, and doing everything wrong. i feel like well i will know soon enough, he doesn't show up, i can file for divorce this week get that going, make my plans for what happens after the birth.

am i ready for him to NOT show up, i don't know, but i will know all his comments msgs of him loving me wanting this family wanting a wife were just bullshit.

maybe it will be to much pressure for him to handle, but i didn't not do it send the msgs for him, i did it for me and my kids. the limbo status messes with me and interferes with my life. maybe i shot the marriage in the foot by sending those msgs. i can't make excuses for it, i feel like enough is enough.