Yeah, I'm still out here. I got caught up in the Christmas preparations, so hadn't been back in a while. Thanks all. Looking at the positives, at least occasionally, has been all that has kept me going at all. That and hopes that the marriage would improve. I guess reaching the end of my 40's, I'm feeling a bit like I missed out, made wrong choices that I am stuck with. I have to try to put the thoughts of what is missing out, and when I do things appear better. I don't know how to keep those negative thoughts away though. I also keep running into walls while trying to cultivate the closeness that I yearn for, and that frustration then leads back to the negative thoughts. Wash rinse repeat.
