My H would disagree. In fact, he already has. In our discussion last month he made a point of saying that he looked at some battered women's discussion boards/web sites recently, and that those women were as nutso as his sister, and they have me convinced of an abusive reality that just isn't there. I don't know, maybe I missed a detail or something. Like he said, he can't be held accountable for something he didn't know because I didn't tell him. I did do the passive-aggressive thing at first, by trying to avoid meeting couples or going to the club until he would get frustrated and angry. (Sometimes, I did initiate going to the club to try to convince myself I could do this, but that usually didn't work- it was just an exercise in frustration.) The last few years I did tell him that it hurt me to see him f***ing another woman- his solution was for us to play separately. He just couldn't hear me. I wasn't clear enough or brave enough to say "I want out". The most I could do was say "it hurts me" and hope he would let me off the hook and say "OK, I don't want to hurt you, we won't do it anymore." Instead I got, "In that case, I'll do my thing, you do yours, but I would like involvement in your playtime with other guys, and if not that, bring pics back.... "
I wasn't abused, I let myself be a doormat and acted like a tramp/slut/whore because that's how people (my H and many others) liked me being and I don't see how I look inspirational to anyone because I still see myself like that and I don't know what else there is to me and people still want me to be that way.
