Looking for my new normal

[Gardener]

Bunny, I am late to the party on this, haven't even read the responses you've received. AND you owe me $61.00 **

I spent Christmas Eve with H and the kids at my parents, set out the kids presents with H back at the house, then went back to the apartment for the night. That hurt being away from everybody, even if it was just for the night. In the morning, D17 sent me a text wondering when I would arrive for opening presents (I guess she had thought I was spending the night there). I told I would be there shortly and hurried over. We opened presents, I cooked a roast to take to H’s family’ Christmas dinner, and we had a nice day there. S19 came back to the apt. with me last night, and it was really nice to have company.

Glad most of your Christmas was a good one.

H was sweet and bought some nice things for my apt for Christmas(for example, he got me a nice printer, a DVD player, a shoe rack and a set of bowls). Since it was so close to the holiday, he decided to wrap them up as gifts. He said he would have bought these things for me anyways, even if hadn’t been the holiday, because he wanted me to be comfortable at the apt.

H was NOT sweet! He is trying to draw himself back into your good graces - and the lifestyle. Your boundary, as I said before, should be the threshold of your door. DO NOT LET HIM INTO YOUR MUCH-NEEDED SANCTUARY!

One other gift that he got me was a digital camera. I thought “how nice” since I didn’t have one- H had always been the family photographer. He gets me alone later and asks if I knew the reason he got me the camera. I suggested (hopefully) on account of the kids. Nope- he wants me to take pics of myself out on dates with other guys in various sexual situations and send them to him. I felt so let down when he said that. I still don’t get that- most guys DO NOT want to share their wives or see pics of their wives giving bj’s, among other things, to other men. The men here seem rather vehement about that fact!

Sick, SICK, SICK! Damn straight, the men here are vehement about that. Bunny, quite frankly, in my heart, being invited intimately inside a woman's body, in any fashion, is an HONOR. And in a monogamous or marital situation it is a PRIVILEGE to know that I am the one man on this earth so honored.

Am I not valuable enough to fight for or protect?

Yes, preciously valuable in that regard.To a real man!

Swingers often have a holier than thou attitude towards “vanilla couples” (non-swingers), in that they love and trust each other enough to not deprive them of sexual pleasure from others. You hear a lot “it gives me pleasure to see my wife/husband receiving pleasure”

Garbage!! "It gives me pleasure to be able to cheat without consequences AND by making you equally 'culpable' thereby letting me off the hook for what amounts to BETRAYAL". It gives ALL us pleasure to see our spouses give pleasure and receive pleasure TO AND US, ONLY. PERIOD! That one privileged person on this earth so privileged as I said before.

Nope, can’t do it, that BS as far I’m concerned, I’m sorry if that makes me a vanilla, selfish spouse with jealousy and insecurity issues.

Good! STAY AWAY. You are NOT vanilla,selfish,jealous and insecure. You are normal. He is a deviate. You KNOW this!

I don’t feel like I even know what normal is anymore.

Good. You and every one of us on this board whether successful or unsuccessful in piecing together a new, better R & M have the wonderful opportunity to CREATE your new normal!

Word is out in the local swinging community that H and I are separated. The wolves are coming out of the woodwork now- I am inundated with offers from men of an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on, and another part of their anatomy in addition. This way, it’s low effort on my end to get out and socialize, but it isn’t a good idea, I know that.

STAY AWAY! Change your email address, your phone#, your cell#, anything you have to do! Do not answer, do not pick up, do not even OPEN emails (some ISPs and email systems tell the sender when their outgoing mail has been opened)

I mean, most people do not see sex as a recreational activity, right?

Sure we do, in the context of a healthy, monogamous,loving, cherishing R, it IS play. And Love. And soul-bearing. And Bonding.And cvommunication And damn-near spouse-worship.

There is more to me as a person than just that, but I have to find it. My reality/perceptions/whatever are skewed right now.

Damn straight there is. You are a precious unique, never-to-be-repeated child of God.

You, Bunny are up against a master manipulating, mesmerizing, guilt-spewing sicko. Right now you are now match for his power, so STAY AWAY until you are. And you will be soon.





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