Moving on with my life!

[25yearsmlc]

Here it is...5 A.M. Xmas morning and I am waiting for exh to get here. He came by a few times Xmas Eve during the day and then last night before we put her to bed. It was awesome. It was wonderful! How in the heck do I not feel something again?

Just because you "feel" something, means nothing in terms of what you DO. Don't confuse an emotional experience with a life changing one. It's an emotional holiday and it's fine to let it be. You want that for your kids don't you? Sure. So leave it be.


I kept telling myself all night...this feeling is just because its Xmas. After that, it will be like any other day.
Or maybe some of the good will linger. You had a child with this man and some chemistry. You are allowed to enjoy those moments just as you are supposed to enjoy her high school graduation and party, etc. But you don't go off and marry the guy again b/c you "felt something"....

I could tell he was feeling stuff too or he is a really good faker. He did say ILY, and I didn't say anything back. I just smiled. It was one of those really akward moments. He said "you don't love me anymore?" I said I did but he trampeled all over that. He said "I know but can't you see I am trying now. You need to trust me again sometime." There was alot I could have said right then, but just said time will tell.

That man has quite the sense of entitlement. Amazing and interesting too. Consider his words. He says that he is "trying now" (and therefore something should immediately happen in response b/c he's owed a positive immediate response and you have to forgive him and not ever bring anything up...b/c, he's "trying now"....) but I don't know what "trying now" means. Showing up at Christmas, for the fun parts? Stiffing you on some bills or delaying payment...Lying about OW(s) still, oh and sometimes NOT showing up for inconvenient things like wrestling matches that are a drive away, or that he forgot, but gratuitously promised to attend so the son would get his hopes up and like the "dad" again,(and not caring a bit about letting the boy down by not showing up. Nope, NOT a thought for that, just HIS anger at you for driving...wow) or the "trying" to control you with his constant demanding texts...asking to delay the C/S payments and still drinking...excuse me, but where's the big "trying now"? Did he mean trying that minute or for 2 days or what? Oh, I see. Sure, you should forget the past if he's made an effort for "now"...Wow, CLASSIC narcissist. They Minimize damage they cause others, expect forgiveness, maximizes the pain THEY Feel, yet see no connection between their actions and the consequences, no, in his world, he's a victim and anyone who can't /won't forgive him THEN AND THERE, is a bi#$%. They're wrong, not him.

So now he is coming here to be here when baby wakes up. We will open presents with my older kids and baby, have breakfast and then kids will take off for awhile with their dad's family. I will go to exsil's this afternoon.

Baby loved opening presents at my mom's last night. She got this life sized baby doll that looks so real its almost creepy! She loves it though..so many presents.

Hope everyone has a good one!

Very glad you and baby had a nice holiday. Good for you!
But as for him....no confusion here. Just same old same old. He's pathologically self absorbed. Seriously.
When he asks you things like "Don't you love me anymore?" (Hard not to laugh out loud...OMG....I would have had to leave the room to regain composure). You can answer kindly, if you want, by saying, "I'll always love the father of my children". And leave it at that. He's not entitled to know more, to ask more, or to expect anything from you. Who the hell is he to expect this from you? OMG what an ego! Look, I'm not into making people victims forever okay? But let's just do a fast re-cap here. And correct me if I'm off base okay?

You were married to this man a short time and In that short lived marriage, you felt uneasy and distrustful and turns out, for good reason. You are the aggrieved party; he's the perpetrator of the main events.

One consequence of his many selfish and poor choices, is the hassle of supervised visits. Not your responsibility, but of course it's not merely inconvenient for him; it's also a pain for you. But he doesnt' care about that! I doubt he's admitted anything but how much it bothers HIM and HIS lifestyle. He cares about HIM.

He cheated on you then and still has contact with some OW. None of your concern b/c you are divorced---yes you know...But still he insists, rather egotistically, that you gotta believe him when he tells you whatever he tells you; e.g., he's not seeing someone, (so what?) or he's seeing someone else, blah blah blah. Why would you be concerned with who he's dating? You are divorced! Oh "BUT HE"S TRYING NOW" and so, you MUST trust him sometime....really? Where's that written? (IF he really wanted the M status to change, he'd change and you'd KNOW. But instead, he yanks you on the yo-yo to to make sure he's still got you as back up.

OMG, S2, honestly the statements he makes are laughable. How'd you keep a straight face? "Don't you love me anymore?" Oh sure, why wouldn't I?

Who doesn't just LOVE a man who lies, a lot, and over quite a span of time, who doesn't LOVE a man who cheats, repeatedly? Who doesn't just LOVE a man who wants to postpone child support payments? Who isn't crazy about a guy who texts you, rather than being there in real life, and demands immediate responses?

Who doesn't always LOVE it when some EX h can interrupt your life at all hours (under feigned concern of course--NOT being controlling! nooooo) and who isn't happy when a FORMER h tries to hold you back from moving on b/c he always needs a back up? Who doesn't just go ga ga over a guy who makes gratuitous promises to your son about going to his wrestling match, but then backs out b/c of the drive OR just forgets, only to blast the mother of the son for (reminding him of this?) driving on her own in rain--(which made HIM look bad so, hey, the best defense is a good offense so naturally he attacked you and chewed you out)....yeah, WHAT'S NOT TO LOVE??


[b]I think you're getting signs from above about how wrong this guy is for you and always was.[/b] Perhaps the baby is the cause of the original connection and that's a beautiful thing.

I'm sorry to say this but-- I see NOTHING indicating any reason for you to have any contact with this guy beyond the baby. He's an egomaniac and a proven liar. As for the newest or former OW...whichever one this is now...what a lovely thing for you to get to hear about in detail....Set a boundary there honey. Enough. Who wants to know the gory details of their X h's meanderings? Not a healthy woman honey. He's out...let him go catch a STD but not give it to you.

I assume she wants info for herself of course. All you have to do is not be an insane control freak as he likely described you, and she'll start to wonder if if if maybe it's HIM...but she's got the virus he gave her too. I mean she's nuts to be in a R with him at all, and the part where she'd put up with this insanity while married and contact you...and ask you questions and interview...it's....wacky.Yeah it's very odd and dysfunctional.
She's not well. I feel sorry for her but that does not mean she's your new bff.
Yi yi yiiii.....Have a good new year and know it'll be better than this past one was, IF YOU LET IT!!
( j )