Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[Gnosis]

Responding to the myriad of replies...

One other thought.....
I'm thinking it is possible that W is sending those texts from S's phone. They sound an awful lot like her, and not a lot like what I would expect from a 15 year old. Things are not always what they seem. What better method to drive a wedge between you and your son?

Jeff, ordinarily I'd tend to agree with you, in this case I don't. S15 wanted to go home "to sleep in his own bed" (that mommy made for him). He did not want to be with SD because his mind has been poisoned. As sick as this is, he is on the witch's side and is under her spell... therefore, (and like a good little zombie) he'll mimic her thoughts and words.

I don't think you should cut your S off. Unlike your W, he didn't choose this any more than you. And mentally, he is nowhere near being equipped to handle this.

I didn't say cut him off completely. I said go "no contact" with him (and meant electronically) because... anything you say or do will be used against you. This sounds harsh, but your pursuing him will only make you look weaker, cause him to reject you more and will have him running back to mommy.

Yes, there is a risk that he may think you rejected him. However, you can counter that by telling S12 that you still love S15 dearly and explain to the younger one that S15 is hurt and confused. ---- the message WILL get back to him.

I think it's time to have a serious heart-to-heart w/S15. You need to explain in "only enough" info that he needs to have, that you didn't want the break-up of your family, and that his Mom's involvement w/other men is breaking the marital covenant.

I agree with this. As soon as possible. Do not do it electronically. Must be done face to face. And you tell him that he should not take sides. This is between yourself and his mother. Tell him that you're proud of him that he wants to protect her. Then remind him that a man gathers all the information at hand and makes an unbiased decision.

G - I disagree w/the non-contact. He is his son. He is a child. He just needs to make sure son understands he's not trying to hurt anyone, just do what's right for his family.

See above M.

SD - G is brilliant, so you have two differing opinions.

No, I'm not. Just objective... and not too much of that lately as I'm going through my own little crisis.

I just hope that I can get to him soon enough to repair the damage she has inflicted on him.

She has had months to brainwash him. There is not much you can do against it in the few days that you have had.

I understand about her Family. the thing is, she has been lying to them about me, and it was important to me to set them straight, so that I wasn't the monster she made me out to be to them. They are all in my corner, and think her behavior is horrible.

You may have wanted to get a little revenge here, but I also see the part where you wanted to clear your name. A man's good name is just as important as his honor in my books.

You have cleared your name. The truth is out, regardless of the intent behind it. Now you have to let it go. They will deal with her accordingly... what I was trying to say earlier is that they will have very little power to influence her or bring her back to her senses. And over time, them being Christians, they will forgive her and take her back into the fold. So be wary here. At the height of emotions (like now) they will react with indignation, outrage etc... but later on they may take her side. Blood is thicker than water. Just giving you a heads up on that -- it's human nature. Nothing you can do about it.

Any suggestions on what to do once I get back? I will continue to speak to my boys-not sure of S15 though.

Yes, continue contact with your children. Ensure that you get some kind of legal backing with respect to time of contact, and act swiftly if she tries to deny you this. Once you get back you watch your back and take care of yourself so that you can return to your boys in one piece. Let your L handle the rest.

Did I do the right thing in exposing the A to W family?

Yes, because:

I feel much better clearing my name and reputation inside of her family.

As repeated above... A good name and standing in the community is just as important as "strength and honor." That's something that my father taught me when I was young.