Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[SoldierDad]

Gnosis,
I won't do anything until/if I get to see him in person. I find it repulsive that she has now brought her son-who is more of her best friend than her son- into our sitch.

She is desperate, and I think has reached a new low even by her standards.

She has brainwashed S15 with things she said I did to her, to "make" her do this.

He believes her as I have been gone for 9 months, and he has lived in a lawless home for that period, and likes the freedom she gives him-no rules/no repercussions/no consequences.

I just hope that I can get to him soon enough to repair the damage she has inflicted on him.

S12, seems to be in a good place, but he is scared of what his M is going to ask/do to him after our visit.

I understand about her Family. the thing is, she has been lying to them about me, and it was important to me to set them straight, so that I wasn't the monster she made me out to be to them. They are all in my corner, and think her behavior is horrible.

[SoldierDad]

Well, I have 48 hours left until I get back on that bird back to paradise.

Any suggestions on what to do once I get back? I will continue to speak to my boys-not sure of S15 though.

Keep in contact with my L, of course, but not sure what else I need/should do.

Thoughts?

[Virtually_Handsome]

One other thought.....
I'm thinking it is possible that W is sending those texts from S's phone. They sound an awful lot like her, and not a lot like what I would expect from a 15 year old. Things are not always what they seem. What better method to drive a wedge between you and your son?

[SoldierDad]

VH,
that warrants some thought. I will approach all of this with caution all the way around.

I really want the D to be final, and just get on with my life. I don't like where I am right now, and just want it to be over.

I just have to get through the next 90 days, and then get the D over, and then I can move on and not have to think about what W is doing.

[givingitmyall]

SD,

I don't think you should cut your S off. Unlike your W, he didn't choose this any more than you. And mentally, he is nowhere near being equipped to handle this. I really liked what mindfull posted.

You HAVE to be there for him - no one else will be. And be prepared if he doesn't want that from you.

Leave the door open and he will figure it out eventually.

[SoldierDad]

All,

Did I do the right thing in exposing the A to W family?

Her B's were all suspicious, and were on the fence as far as what she was telling them. Now, after learning the truth, they are disguisted by her behavior.

I didn't mean/want the exposure to damage their relationships, but the effect has been just that. The family is religious, and doesn't believe in stepping outside of the M.

Both BIL's have told me that they would not have had a problem, if W merely said she didn't love me, and wanted a D. But, she lied about me, and what she was doing, and they feel hurt and betrayed as I do.

I dunno, I laid down my boundary to W right before I came home, but she didn't know what I knew as far as the OM.

Now that I have exposed this A, as well as possibly 2 others, I'm not sure what else to do.

I can tell that things are crumbling around her, but not sure of what I should do next.

Did I do the right thing exposing her?

[givingitmyall]

VH brings up a great point. My mother is bi-polar. It took years for us to figure out what she was doing, but she empowered herself by creating divisiveness amoung me and my siblings. That way, she could always be the peacemaker/problem solver for us. Never mind the dysfunction it created.

I'm not saying your W wants any peace right now. Just pointing out a way some twisted people try to empower themsleves. Don't allow the chasm b/w you and S15 and she gains no power.

[SoldierDad]

GIMA,
any thoughts on my previous post?

I know I can't go back and change anything, but in your opinion, did I do the right thing exposing?

The last step was exposing to her F, and now that they know, all I can do is GAL, and begin living again.

[givingitmyall]

If you did it b/c it was the right thing for YOU, then exposing was the right thing. My guess is that many of her family probably already knew (if she's willing to have him at your house, isn't much of a stretch for her to tell one or more of them.

Don't get wrapped up in feeling guilty for telling the truth. Its not your exposing to her family her A that caused problems for her - it's her A that did that.

Keep your head up man. Strength and honor!

[SoldierDad]

gima, thanks.

I did do it for me, not only to expose the truth, but to let her family know that what she was saying about me, and what she said I was doing to her-WASN'T TRUE.

I've done that, and I feel much better clearing my name and reputation inside of her family.

I'm not sure I can repair my rep and my name on post when I get back, but I sure will try my best.

Thanks for the advice!!!