What can I do to save my marriage? Help

[Sleepy]

Thanks for all the words of support. Today I slept in. I was comfortable in the MB. I feel like my W and my positions have changed. She feels that I am trying to “break her” now. A few weeks ago, I was in the opposite position. When I came downstairs my W was sitting there. I said “good morning” and got a grunt for a reply. Then she asked me why I contacted that woman, this was obviously bothering her a lot. I told her that I just asked how her Christmas went, what’s the big deal?

I then I shot it back at her “why did you contact your HS BF and have lunch with him multiple times and talk on the phone for hours and text him back and forth?” We played this card back and forth for a while, and she eventually caved and told me.

With tears in her eyes....“I felt like I was an appendage to you, a slave. A tail. I wanted to talk with someone who knew me before I was married and had kids.” This guy talked with her about her triathlon accomplishments and gave her lots of words of affirmation and emotional support, things that I failed to give her like he did. In the past, supported her gave her affirmation, and told her how I felt but she would retort with “no you don’t” and “why”. I suppose I lacked elsewhere.

She maintains that she never was physical with this guy and has not sought any contact since I discovered her EA. She has also stopped contact with another guy that she worked out with and texted all the time since I talked to his wife, and told him to cool it with her. She calls him a wimp, which show me that she is looking for a real “man” that maintains his boundaries.

I eventually opened up and told her I was making my best effort to change and that I understood where I failed her. I was making an effort to listen to her and understand her love languages.

She continued to push me for a reason that I contacted the woman. She gave me her reason which was: it had been two months since we had been together and I was selfishly looking for some action and also wanted someone who would idolize me. This is what she was thinking and it was so far off base I couldn’t let her think this was true, so and in a moment of weakness, I caved. I told her I wanted to see her response. She said “that is so junior high and I was manipulating and using this other woman for my own gain.” I suppose she is right, but I only asked how her Christmas was. How could this be leading this other woman on?

She maintains that I was being selfish and not protective of her by forcing her to move out to the garage apt. I told her that we were married and that I was moving back in, it was her choice that she moved out. I didn’t make her go. She says it’s too late to do anything. “We are finished!”

My W says she is going to stay out in the garage apt until the spring and then the house is going up for sale. She has a little bit of power back now. I have some power back and a few more months to get this right. The anger and yelling has stopped. I suppose I need some guidance and suggestions on where to go from here.

She wants me to box up all my books in the apt and get all my stuff out of there and make it hospitable for her. Should I do this?

R2C I have the “art of seduction” and I am going to read it at work. She will never see this one....Ever!