Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[givingitmyall]

gima,

I thought about her sending me those nasty texts last night, and it seems to me, that if she was so freaking happy, what was she doing taking time away from the OM to send me texts letting me know how much she hated me? I think greek touched on that too.

I am and will continue to ignore her, and her spew. All she is doing is looking to get a reaction out of me, and when she finally realizes that I'm not gonna bite, she will have to do something else to try to get to me.

I think you are wise to listen to Greek. She has helped me immensely.

And, yes, once your W realizes she can't get a reaction from you, she'll stop. In the meantime, she doesn't realize she's digging her own grave as far as the D is concerned.

[bluerain]

H SD, Im so glad that you had a nice holiday! I agree, your W is not happy with how her world is shaking out, if she really were happier than she has ever been before, she would forget you even existed! Remeber being in "new" love? Its just you two. You dont take time out to come up with exceptionally viscious text messages to send to your H. Shes spending an awful lot of time thinking about you!

Shes trying to convince herself that you are terrible and shes the victim and she is pursuing what (she thinks) will truly make her happy...

Im so sad for your son, shes using him, and he will see through it, when he does you need to be there for him as much as you can.

[SoldierDad]

Ok, late last night early this morning, I start receiving texts from my BIL.

My W had texted him asking him if he knew that I hired a PI, he texted back that yes he did, and as a matter of fact, he recommended the guy to me.

My W immediately started flinging nasty texts his way, and then my S15, got in on the action.

He told my BIL, that it was nice that he was doing this to his own sister, and that he should mind his own business.

Well, her whole family knows now, and it seems that she is losing it.

The one thing the BIL and I noticed was that my W in no way, shape or form, tried to deny the A, or the PI's report. In fact, the only thing she was really pissed abbout was that her Brother was taking my "side".

Now, the Brother-my BIL, and I have been in contact since my W started this. He has been completely on board with me, because he knows my W, and her behavior from when they were just out of high school.

My S15 texted me last night telling me to tell my W brother to back off, and that it was low of me to pit her family against her, and that having his M bawling in front of her was too much.

The whole thing is just getting nastier and nastier. But I have taken the high road, and have not responded to my W in any fashion.

[Gnosis]

SD I'm really sorry that she dragged your son into this and pit him against you. Of all the low and sleazy things she's done, I'd say that this is the worst.

Sadly, the only thing I can suggest is to cut contact with him too. He has been poisoned anything more you do with him will backfire.

[Gnosis]

SD, I can't recall where you stand legally. I remember that she has a TRO against you.

Is there anything more you can do to pull the rug out from under this nasty creature's feet?

EDIT:
- Speak to your lawyer. There should be some impact on her having involved your son. See what you can do about having her declared an unfit mother and get the kids away from her. I know your leave is about to expire, but see what you can do.

[SoldierDad]

Gnosis,
ya, I was thinking the same thing. It hurts that he is so brainwashed by her, and now is sympathetic to what she is doing.

But, nothing I can do about it, but just be a good father, and support him.

S15 also sent a text last night saying that he "might" call me today, if he has calmed the "F'" down.

I am going to let him know that in no uncertain terms, will I tolerate that type of language or behavior from him. I'm sure his M will tell him that it's ok, as she is desperate right now.

W is starting to spiral now. Her family knows what she has been doing, and she is in full deflection mode. She isn't "denying" anything, which I find funny. If she were "innocent" of an affair, wouldn't she be defending herself? I think she would.

I'm not sure what is next, but as long as I assume the worst, it can't be that bad. She has done/said just about everything she can to hurt me, and I have survived up to this point.

I mean, I have been hurt more than I ever thought possible, but I am still standing. I am proud of that. I am proud that I have taken the high road, and not done anything to get "revenge", or hurt her. I merely told the truth, and to her-the truth hurts.

Her family is extremely disappointed in her and her actions, and am wondering if that in itself, will begin to clear some of the fog. I highly doubt it, as she is an evil, nasty W right now. I dunno...

Ya, there is a TRO, and yes I am leaving in 48 hours. I am documenting all of this, and hope my L can do his work, and get my boys away from her.

[Gnosis]

Your son is non-responsive at the moment.

- Do not admonish him via text / email.
- As hard as its going to be do not initiate contact with him

Anything you say to him will increase the resentment she has planted into him. If you're going to lecture him make sure it is face to face.

- Do not count on her family having any influence on her. She is lost and will lash out at any- and everybody that tries to stand in her way.

[Gnosis]

EDIT: If your son calls, ignore it, do not answer. It will just be to spew more of her crap in your ear. Or you can answer it and cut it short. Tell him that to hide behind texts and phone calls is a p*ssy's way out. If he has something to say he should say it in front of you like a man. Like you taught him.

[mindfull]

SD,

I think it's time to have a serious heart-to-heart w/S15. You need to explain in "only enough" info that he needs to have, that you didn't want the break-up of your family, and that his Mom's involvement w/other men is breaking the marital covenant. (She's introduced him/talked about them, right? You didn't reveal any of this to him yourself, right?) You are partially to blame for her/your M unhappiness, but you are/were willing to put the effort forth to make it better.

And, no matter what happens between you two, you will never try to degrade his relationship w/her. You're uncomfortable that she's involving him (a teenage boy) in some very adult issues, and you'll only do what's the RIGHT thing to do for your family and he and his brother. You aren't trying to hurt your W, only get her to stop her actions, and, otherwise, just raise the boys well.

Or something to that affect.

The boy needs to know this is wrong, but w/out bashing his Mom.

[mindfull]

G - I disagree w/the non-contact. He is his son. He is a child. He just needs to make sure son understands he's not trying to hurt anyone, just do what's right for his family.

SD - G is brilliant, so you have two differing opinions. You just have to decide what's best for your family!