What steps are you referring to? It's all up to you as to what you need to do to heal and go on w/your life. I gave you examples of what I did for myself in the way of steps.

I understand exactly where you are, but if he's screaming or being mean, walk away or hang up the phone. You are the adult here and do not need to be subjected to that behavior. It's abusive at its best when they are this angry. Just say, "h, I'm sorry you feel the way you do, but I am hanging up the phone now. When you decide that you want to speak to me in a normal tone, please feel free to contact me. I'll be happy to listen." You do have the power to cut him off when he's like this.

As for his screaming about divorce...well, if he's that damn set on one, let him do the work. You have other things at this point to focus on, i.e., you, your children and your financial well being. If you have not set up your own accounts, do so this week. Joint charge cards have to go because he's going max them out eventually and you do not want to be liable to any debts he incurs while traveling on the Mother Ship. Keep an eye on your bills to ensure that they are being paid. Don't rely on him to do it...some of them say they have paid them, but pocketed the money instead.

If you are served w/papers, you will need to get a lawyer. In fact, you need to be thinking about consulting w/one at some point any way to ensure that you and the children are taken care of. Don't tell him that you've met w/one for consultation.

Just like death, you will have to work your way through the grieving process. You have to work through the pain. Here's the difference...you will work through the pain and learn the lessons that you will need to learn along the way. Your h, on the other hand, will do everything he can to avoid the pain and hurt. The lessons, if he's lucky, he will learn later on during his journey. So, accept the pain, allow it to wash over you and as time moves along, the pain will lessen, but you will become stronger and you will be able to handle things better. Right now, you are still in shock and some denial. The anger will assist you in moving on and getting things done.

Now, take a few minutes and just breathe! Everything will fall into place, you cannot rush the process.