Hi inpainstill, I was on the receiving end of verbal abuse for years & physical abuse after I told him I was leaving & left.
It takes a lot of guts to come here & be honest with those here. That's great.
I personally would forget about DB books until the anger & abuse issues are understood & under control. She is not coming back to an abuser & she shouldn't. Any other woman you attract at this point will be one that will tolerate & trigger that ugly behaviour.
The two books I saw make a difference for my StBX were (in order of importance) 1- "Love without Hurt" by S. Stosny 2- "hold me tight" S. Johnson
both have their own website... google it.
Stosny's stuff is an absolute read for abusers & their partners. He will explain why the anger courses & Marriage counseling actually willl make things worse.
Look up 'antlers' threads.. he was an admitted verbal abuser & used Stosny's stuff to reclaim his compassion & get back in touch with his inner core values.
My counselor always told me that an angry abusive man is a like a junkyard dog... very scared & reacting in a way that protects what he holds most dear.
If you truley love your wife & family.. get the Stosny book read it, implement it. The hold me tightly book comes after you have the issues that lead to your abusive behaviours dealt with, and the DB book during/after that.
It will be a lot of work.. if you are posting here I can see that you want to make some changes. I wish my StBX would have come here & looked for help & resources for him on his journey.
I will keep checking on you. Peace Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
