I hope your Christmas went well! I'm caught up now after getting myself a bit too self-absorbed in my own stuff, but I do like what I'm reading.
Acting "as if" is appearing to be a great thing for you right now, so keep it up. We've got to remember to pay attention to what is working and continue to do it.
Keep playing hard to get w/him and flirting. Continue to do what you can to seduce him and you'll start seeing payoffs. Tease him and then back off. Try it and see how he responds.
Again, I hope Christmas was wonderful and I'll look forward to hearing all the details shortly.
RTL PS - Thank you for your FB messages about my "chit." You and Ali don't realize how important they are to me and how much I look forward to them.
I thought of you this week. The head of our city hall went to Greece on vacation. There was a picture in the paper of her with the mayor of Korinth, she brought him little trinkets from Iowa and he gave her some from Korinth.
It makes me smile to read the progress you are making. I think slow and steady is probably the best way to go. Most of us wish for the romantic sweeping gestures we see in the movies but I wonder how often those actually happen in real life...
I would love to snuggle up to someone in bed at night besides my kids...
I hope you are enjoying this time off of work. I am sure your kids love being out of school!
Hi guys! I hope you are ok, better than ok and enjoyed Christmas. I am still on leave which is great but my lower back has been kililng me the last few days which frustrated me a bit with the contsant pain reminding me I am not 20 anymore...
Things at home were...ok. No intimacy -John havent received the package yet- some tender gestures now and then and not any discussion worth mentioning. We actually havent discussed any R isuues except when I told him that if I catch him lying, it will be the last time he does and that I think we have an issue with sex, he nodded and I told him this book I am reading by Jannis Spring, After the Affair says it's common and has a chapter on it.
On Christmas day he left the phone visible the whoel time and left here at home even when he went out a couple of times to buy some stuff. He told me he didnt contact her nor did she. I am mentioning Christmas day because it is her nameday and we call people for wishes etc.
My friends that came over for lunch said he is more INTO us/me/family/home/kids they have seen him for years. I can see that also. But I can also see, he is not...100% relaxed. I think he is still trying to avoid me finding out stuff. I dont know.
We havent managed to go out on our own. We were with the kids and family and freinds the whole time. I need to arrange something because I need to have some fun as well. Some adult time.
Not much else to add, I will if I will remember anything else. For the time being I am cleaning the house and trying to figure out what presents to buy for my folks. xxx K
It sounds like a normal albeit strained R. Keep working at it on your side, you can't really influence how he acts.
He is making an effort to put you at ease, that is positive. You feel he is still hiding things, that is normal given the past. That trust is not going to be easy to rebuild.
The amount of time this will take is immeasurable. Frankly, it will be a lifelong process. As long as you are prepared for that, you're golden. M is always a lifelong process of growth, pain, discovery, and hiccups interspersed with happiness, joy, and love.
Love you K! Hugs to you and your precious children.
How did your daughter's party go?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Hey Maria, thats SO brilliant he left his phone out, perhaps he has been listening to you after all, that you wanted complete transparency!? As you know, bf hasnt given me his password to emails either but I have seen him log in in front of me and theres nothing interesting in it! As long as H is happy to use the PC I think perhaps you should stop worrying so much now? If he was going to contact her, he would have on her nameday right?
And thats lovely to hear that all your friends and family see him as more into you and the kids than he has been for years.. because they are more objective and outside of the sitch, so trust their judgement hey.
I'm so happy for you, I continue to be optimistic about this M ! And Mish makes a good point, M is never all rosey, theres going to be tough times still. And you got what you thought you wanted and fought long and hard for
So how is it going with having him there full time ?? Well done for telling him you feel you have a problem with sex between you, its good to not sweep that under the carpet and I am glad he nodded in agreement.. hey its a first step to resolving it hey! As bf likes to say, how do you eat an elephant? One small piece at a time...
Love Al! XXX
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
It's not all rosy here. Yes he is trying to be transparent but there is something there. I know. I am just being patient to see how it will work out in the end. For example, he wont use the PC at home to check his emails, he knows I have a keylogger installed. That alone is something that bothers me but it will be addressed when the right time comes.
Also, he denied the existence of a girl I know of, that has been sending him innocent emails. Something that was really weird. Anyway, I am cautious and careful and I try to be loving but it's so hard to overcome so many things that are still open between us.
What bothers me most is that he never shares how HE feels. I have no clue. This silence is VERY disturbing. As long as I pretend we are ok, things go smoothly. When I feel anxiety building up, he shuts off completely.
I am learning. I am in the process of learning. A few times I assumed things about him and he corrected me. It feels like we are very very familiar...strangers. K
hope your back is feeling somewhat better K. Try to relax as much as possible on your leave. You being ultra relaxed (if you can pull it off) might just might cause H to do like wise.
Have a wonderful time ringin' in the New Year. May the Lord bless you in many ways.
