Looking for Advice

[gutwrenching]

Thanks as usual to all.
I've got to admit, the drawing boundaries not only helps me keep my gnads but actually seems to help with things. About 15 minutes after re-iterating the facebook had to stop, she came back to me and got the kinds busy with something and said we had to talk. I don't remember the most of it, but obviously she was trying to get me to change my stance on FB and using the "it doesn't matter to me at all, I'll take facebook off my computer" approach. I didn't budge. Then she got a little more pissed and said I didn't hold all the cards, she still had some power, and she was tempted to leave the house and tell her boss what she did and if she got fired, so be it. I said nothing, just listened. I don't believe a word of it to be honest and if that is what she wants to do, I know enough from you all to just get out of her way.
She thinks I'm being childish and she swears she is being open with me. Ok. She is blocking him on facebook now "so that we can get this behind us and have a decent evening" since we had a pretty tense day as she fumed over this (I could tell) and kept telling me how meaningless it was and how petty I was.

Realize I am not out of the woods by a long shot. I realize that right now, she doesn't believe this can work out and she doesn't believe I can make her happy. But for whatever reason(s) she is still around, still showing effort every once in a while, and has not filed or taken the next step despite my ability to piss her off every few days. Also she is showing me respect in front of the kids and she is being the best mother I've seen in the last 2 months. So for the kids, these are all good things.

Please keep the advice flowing, it is invaluable.

Yes I am still too hopeful. I am trying and I am more accepting than I ever have been of the possibility that this won't work out...I actually let myself start thinking about how/what I would do things if not married to her next summer...that is a step in the right direction, but need more. I need the blunt advice.

Also, the last two conversations about us, the facebook, and what she is feeling, she initiated not the other way around.

Finally, she asked me if she could send him a note on facebook explaining what she was doing and why. I thought quickly, not sure the right answer, but said yes. My rationale was two-fold...I know she can contact him no problem from work e-mail and if I say no, all I do is encourage that. Second, I want him to run to the hills. I don't mind if she says her screwed up H thinks they are using FB to communicate covertly and is still threatening to tell OM's wife...figured good at this point to potentially re-emphasize this point to OM who is OBVIOUSLY trying to covertly let W know he is thinking about her.