My WAW caught at an early stage (I hope)

[patpat]

narwhal

Just read ur sitch. Everyone is right. You have to get over the fear of setting a firm boundary. And just do it.

My W is in an A. The suckubus of love lost has been draining me physically and emotionally. And, at this point, I am playing the waiting game.

I finally set a boundary. I used a combo boundary by piecing Coach's and Sandi2's boundary advice together.

W was ready to bail. Divorce, ILYBINILWY, moved out, never stops by, no contact by her, withdrawn and the list goes on. I was afraid that a boundary would, as you have stated, push her away or she just would not care.

I did not know. I was afraid of both scenarios. But, as so many have stated, she was already gone, and at the point of my boundary, not looking like she was wanting to come back or even give R a thought.

Since boundary. W got mad. Argued. I could see the pain in her eyes. But now, weeks later, her phone calls, and polite texts have increased. She no longer talks about divorce. She has told me that she loves me and she has stopped by on occasion. We are nowhere close to being where I would like us to be, however there has been positive baby steps in the direction of IMO, W wanting to return (she hasn't said this), and slowly coming around. She has mentioned MC & IC. Getting back into church, and told me that our home would be nicer for her if she could feel less pressure when she is there. Not much, but a vast improvement from where I was at.

If your W goes to the next unimaginable, yet predictable place, I can't even begin to decribe the pain you will suffer.

I(prior to X-mas eve) would have gladly traded places with you, but with no boundary, you are asking for a bad sitch to get worse. I fought this for 2 months.

Ever hear the statement: "Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment".

narwhal, everyone hears is suffering in some unique way. All sitchs are different to some degree, but all hurt the same. All are filled with a variety of pain(s). All here have tried it our own way, failing miserably. Thru a series of trial and error, all have found what works more than not. The pros here have stayed around just for people like you and I. They are our angels. Listen to them.

Listen. Think. If what you are doing now is not working, than 180 it. Get your respect back. Get behind the driver seat, and watch for the positive to come.

Have you set up your goals for want you hope to accomplish. Make them clear, use Coach's boundary- word for word. Wait and watch.

You may be suprised.

I hope this helps. God Bless and I will pray for you...