Magnificent

[mishka422]

I just had to share this with you all. So funny! I received this from a client this morning and it had me in stitches! Enjoy.

HOLIDAY EATING TIPS

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare.. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Pecan. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like pecan pie, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!

[dday101798]

LOL, love it!

[BobbiJo]

Cute, Mish! We are having lasagna, garlic bread, and brownie sundaes tonight...

[MichelleLT]

Awesome! Merry Christmas sweetie!

[karen43]

Merry Christmas, Mish. Thanks for the laughs!!! And brownie sundaes, yum....

[mishka422]

How funny BBJ! You had lasagne for Christmas eve and I had it for Christmas dinner with garlic toast and blueberry cheesecake for dessert.

[mishka422]

Woke up this morning with a heavy heart. Why it hit me today without warning, I just don't know.

Today is the 2 year anniversary of the day Gabe left me for the broom. It hammered in my head that he has been involved with her for nearly 3 years now. My stomach feels sick and my head is pounding just realizing that.

He came to pick Marc up yesterday afternoon to take him to their place for presents and dinner. He knew that there was a gift here for him from Marc. He called Marc to tell him he was turning on our street and to tell me to come outside because he had something for me. I thought it was more tamales since he had offered to bring some by. I'll admit, I didn't want to go out there since I had no makeup on and was wearing sweats. It was an extremely lazy day. I did though and he handed me a plastic grocery bag with a Snuggie in it. As he did he said, "I know that you paid for my gift so I got you this." SSSCCCRREEEECCCHHHHHH!!!!!! Sickening. WTH did he need to say that? Yes, I paid for the gift for him but the gift was specifically from Marc. Marc doesn't have a job and gets no allowance so it's not like he could have paid for it. Good grief! I would much rather he didn't get anything at all. Marc picked out the gift for Gabe, I had nothing to do with it except asking him if he wanted to get something for his dad. Gabe did this on his own, no input from Marc, and handed it to me in a plastic bag with the broom and her son looking on from the car. GAG! I may never remove the darned thing from the box.

I honestly don't think he will ever realize the extent of the damage done by his choices and actions. The pain resonates in moments like those. I think I did a good job of hiding it yesterday but the anniversary today is making it really hard.

There needs to be major change in my head. Anyone know of any experimental surgery being done for brain transplant? How about emotional center shock therapy? No?

[Reincarnated]

I watched a movie last night that I really liked - "Someone Like You." In it, the character imagines going to a doctor to ask if she can have her "smell nerve" removed to help her get over a breakup.

I know it is in hindsight, but it would have been something if you just broke out laughing. I mean, a Snuggie? In a bag? I'd give it back the next time you see him telling him to return or donate it, saying you got the sexy leopard-print one from your boyfriend, already - the bag with sleeves just drives him wild!
(On a serious note, do not keep ANYthing in your house that does not bring you joy and happiness - no matter what, get rid of the thing!)

Hope you have plans to keep yourself occupied today that are fun and/or satisfying.
((((((((mish))))))))

[mishka422]

I'll have to check out that movie Donna. I'm always up for a good chick flick.

Oh, I wish I could have done that Donna! Sexy leopard print from my boyfriend....sigh....bf....that would be nice. Who would need a Snuggie then? I held back my inner witch though. I wanted to throw my arms around him and give him a big bear hug thank you for the gift since the broom was sitting there staring at us. I decided against it since I was afraid it might trigger my gag reflex!

I have spent the last 6 hours with 2 teenage boys. Marc and his friend Kevin. Kevin has CP so has a lot of coordination problems. It's interesting to watch him play Wii. I actually never knew what his diagnosis was until tonight. I hadn't spent a lot of time with him before. He's extremely smart and very sweet but all that testosterone flying in my living room for that long was exhausting. I got them calmed down for a little while watching a movie and eating pizza. It lasted until they both launched into quoting the movie. We were watching "College Road Trip". If anyone here hasn't seen it, do yourself a favor and rent it and watch it with your kids. I've seen it several times and still love every minute of it. So cute.

I have decided to quite the second job. Being away from my mother in the evenings for more than an hour at a time is just not possible now. She can barely move without assistance let alone walk or get something to eat. It's not a good situation at all. The money just isn't enough to risk her getting hurt because I wasn't there to help her.

Ok....going to go beg Marc to turn the Star Wars movie he's watching off. The light saber sounds are giving me a raging headache.

[BobbiJo]

Mish

Merry Christmas! Oh, how I wish you had given him that bear hug, and a kiss on the cheek, too!

No lightsaber sounds for you, huh? We have a Star Wars movie on at least once every week around here...

Heck with the snuggie, maybe you could return it and keep the $$?