She also said last night that she thinks we need to start talking more if we are ever really going to get things back. That we have to talk more about what we are thinking/feeling and what is bothering us or making us angry.
I tend to be suspicious of people who have been caught in their EA and then start saying what all needs to be done "if" they are going to get things back. It takes such a short time for the chemical induced brain to get fogged up and even if she had good intentions, she'll start craving to have her drug fix.
The main thing that sticks out in my mind is that she didn't show remorse. Even though she "admitted" that she had been the naughty one and when you gave her her present, she said she didn't deserve it. But there is a big difference in admitting that you know you shouldn't have done something....and being truly sorry for it. That is why I think she may try to go deeper with her EA and cover it up more. She underestimated you the first time around, so the next time....she'll make sure you don't uncover anything.
So, back to what you asked about her saying the two of you needed to talk more about the things that bother you.....I would suggest that you tell her that what it will take to get things back on track again is for her to be willing to have a transparency plan. That is where she is willing to have no cell phones, emails, etc., that you do not have access to at any time. Of course, we know that if she wants to continue the EA that she'll go buy a prepaid cell phone and she'll open a private email account.
What did you say to her when she made that statement? I would wait for her to open up to you, if she wants to talk about what bothers her. If it is something that you can validate, then do so.....but do not take a load of blame when it is not your fault. Do not be her doormat. You can look her in the eyes and listen to her and you can nod your head and say, "I understand how you must have felt that way". You don't have to agree with her and you don't have to apologize if you do not believe you have done something wrong. Do you see what I'm saying? She has been caught in an EA and she already has you promising to stop calling it an affair. So, I'm thinking she is going to have you eating out of her hand if you aren't very careful.....b/c you are wanting this to work so badly and you'll be too eager if you don't watch yourself. It is when you are too eager that you will get walked on. She needs to "show" you something that will prove to your heart that she wants to make the M work.
When she expresses her sorrow in what she has done, that will be your first clue that she's serious about wanting to work with you. However, she will still have to go through the withdrawal stages from OM.
Continue to apply the Do's & Don'ts b/c you are not out of the woods by a long shot.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
