WAW and 4 kids

[tryingtilDorR]

More developments. I like to record things here because the details and my related thoughts are instructive to look at afterwards I am finding when I read back.

Christmas was good. W was in a good mood and everything seemed pretty 'normal'. It seems like last year was worse. Back then I knew W was involved with someone else but hadn't proven anything and her attitude was really bad. I remember thinking that if we could just make it to 'next' Christmas and stay together then we would make it. Well, we're here but the outcome is still up in the air but close to resolution I think.

For the first time in a year she wanted to visit my grandfather. She was always the one initiating visits to my grandparents but that suddenly stopped about a year ago. This was a small change in the weather on that front.

Also, we worked together pretty well for our kids on Christmas and they had a good holiday. However, she had a flare-up over the way her family was treating her. Her granmother and sister have been angry at her lately because in their eyes she is 'acting like she is single' and have let her know. She lashes out at me - accusing me of poisoning them with information, but they are forming opinions based upon their own observations.

Also, I have overheard her saying things like: "IF we end up divorced" as opposed to it being a certainty. I stated earlier that she hasn't used the D word directly, only 'separation'. The thing she has talked about recently with others is renting a place and separating for a few months. She is very torn about being apart from the kids however, but motivated enough (to be with OM I presume) to even consider this. Otherwise I leave her alone - the 'stress' she generates in our house is her own, but ironically that is the thing she 'needs to get away from'.


The flare ups over christmas were mild but as follows:

1) She left my mom's house christmas eve by herself without telling me. I know that last year she did this to get on the phone with OM for 30 minutes. I had a weak moment and called to ask what she was doing and she got angry, explained that she had forgot something for someone and that she doesn't need to account for everywhere she goes, blah blah and I replied that I was concerned because I know from the phone records last year that she left to talk to OM on xmas eve and was wondering if she was doing it again. Her answer was NO and that is the problem with me 'hacking' into her phone account - I now think about these things, etc etc.

2) For whatever reason, xmas day she sends me a text about contacting OM's GF (we have used text msgs in order to avoid discussions kids can hear). She lashed out and talked about how I 'embarassed' her by contacting her through her work since her boss found out about it etc etc. I told her that if OM had issues with what I did and was really concerned about quasi-GF to deal with me himself and not whine to my W. I think the person who was embarassed was OM. I definitely caused some upheaval by contactig quasi-GF. I think OM caught some hell over it for sure.

Now we are headed up to the mountains with all of my kids and my ILs. She almost wanted to let me take the kids and stay home because she didn't want to be around her own family (they 'judge' her) but my MIL talked her down on this one and she is going.

I don't think limbo will last much longer. Contacting Quasi-GF has stirred something up with her and OM and the pressure from ILs is building. She is leanging towards doing something and if not I am going to get her to the mediator to start putting more reality on the table and moving the process forward.