Finally heard from W around 2pm on Christmas day. She simply texted me "Merry Christmas". I responded with "Same to you." She called a few minutes later and I answered. She said that she had not gone out of town, and threw out a huge pile of BS about working Wednesday until 4:30, but got stuck in the snow and didn't get home until 11pm. At 4:30, we were still getting nothing but sleet...the snow didn't start until later after dark.
I asked her if she still wanted to see S7. She said that she couldn't go anywhere because her windshield wipers weren't working. I told her that I could bring him over to her apartment so she could be with him for the last 1/2 of Christmas and he could spend the night as planned. She said that she needed to check with her roommate, who had left a note saying that she wouldn't be home last night. We said goodbye and hung up.
About 10 minutes later, I started getting mad. I called her back and told her that she didn't need to check with anyone about anything. Asked her again if she wanted to see our son on Christmas or not. She said that since her roommate's daughter wasn't going to be there that night, that S7 would just be bored and the apartment was a mess...etc...etc. I told W that S7 could spend the night on Saturday (today) instead. She said she'd like that. At no point did she ever ask to speak with S7 to wish him a Merry Christmas.
Christmas day went on, I played cards with S7 and his friend from across the street. Got him bundled up to play in the snow for a bit. Ate a nice dinner of leftovers from our visit to my niece's house. Worked on some of the project kits he got for Christmas and overall had a really good day with him. Got him bathed and into bed. No contact whatsoever from W. She hadn't seen or talked to him since a week ago Friday morning, and she didn't care enough to even call on Christmas and wish him a good day.
This holiday has driven home so hard the fact that I've been unable/unwilling to admit to all this time. W is simply not capable of the love and commitment it requires to be a wife/parent/mother. She really doesn't care about me or S7. She only wants to have S7 come over when he's got roommate's daughter there to keep him occupied, so she isn't responsible for spending any time alone with him.
How hard would have it been for her to spend a few hours with him on Christmas day, watching movies or playing a few games?! How can a mother not want to spend quality time with their child? If the roles had been reversed, no matter what the weather conditions, I would put on my gear and hiked miles to see S7 on Christmas day, and I would have been GLAD that there was no one else there, so I could spend the time with HIM.
I'm angry now. I'm angry for the multiple betrayals. I'm angry for all the deceit. I'm angry for the way W's been an absent parent both before and after she moved out. I'm angry at myself for having so little self-esteem and self-respect to have put up with this for all these years in the name of "love and commitment". I know that I need to forgive myself first and foremost, and I'm trying not to beat myself up for it.
I need some of this anger to get me through this...to detach completely and accept things for the way they are, not how they were or could be.
Took S7 over to W's apartment at 2pm. Stood in the door until she came out of her room. She looked BAD. Big sore on her face, one of my oversized sweatshirts on, flannel pajama pants, hair a mess. Showed her the bags I had packed and explained what was in them, hugged my son and left. I didn't give her the camera that I was going to let her use for S7's gift (his new DSi has a camera already) and I didn't give her the last "allowance" check that I had said she could have. She's not my responsibility anymore. That's my mantra now.
Me 45 WAW 36 S8 T 15 M 12 Multiple PA's since 6/07 W moved out 10/25/09 I filed D 12/29/09 Sitch
