I'm sorry Lost. I lost my comments from my response to your previous post... so I'll redo them.
It's time to start agreeing with him and add some mystery to your answers. (Note: even though you verbally agree, it doesn't mean you condone it) He uses the statements in blue to trigger you and justify his actions. Stop helping him with this.
it is what it is
L: Yes. It is. H: What's that supposed to mean? L: Nothing. H: See, this is what I'm talking about... L: I agree. It is what it is. Whatever.
it is too far gone
L: You're right. It is too far gone.
people dont change
L: I agree. They just get better at lying. H: What's that supposed to mean? L: This... (wave hand around at house, kids etc) has all been a lie. You've been a liar since the day I've met you. Everything about you is a lie. I don't know what to believe with you anymore. H: That's not true. blah blah blah... thing's change. I've changed. L: See? You're lying again! You said, "people don't change." And I'm beginning to believe it.
told me to grow up and deal with it
L: Thanks, you're right. I will. H: What's that supposed to mean? L: Nothing. (and change the subject. Be evasive.)
he thinks divorce would solve all of the problems. i disagree, i feel it would only create more...
You're right... (see I'm agreeing with you ) And I think it may be time for you to rock the boat a little bit. Go and get yourself legal advice. Find out exactly where you stand. If he wants the D, let him do all the work for it. The threads here are littered with better responses than I could come up with for that.
I have never been one to spend carelessly. even at our lowest financially i pinched to the point that we made it through. really gets to me that he would even be consider i would do something out of the normal for me...
Perhaps it may be time for you to change? "People don't change" remember?
Well Lost, when was the last time you splurged on yourself? And I mean REALLY went all out... Wasn't he the one that was pissed that you went out and then he wanted to know all the details... Well...
As regards him selling the house... BULLSHIRT. That is your BOUNDARY. And you can tell him straight to the face... firmly... "You're the one who wants to run away and wreck this marriage. Fine. But you're not going to ruin our daughters' lives any further by selling their home out from under them. Oh, and as for the D. I'm cool with that too. Don't think it's a "get out of jail" card because you're going to have the kids half the time. 50/50 custody mister. You've got responsibilities."
Just some ideas for you.
I urge you to make a list of your boundaries. What is and isn't acceptable behavior. Post them up here.
you are a savior! im in a VERY bad ugly place today.
all stuff aside...i just want to know if we even stand the remotist of chances. im trying but im not getting past it.
i know...broken record. i am so hurt. i DO NOT want to become resentful.
will do what you have asked. tonight when kids are down...I am seriously numb. holding back a flood of tears so the kids dont see...i just want this to not be happening and i cant clear my mind to get any control
me 39 h 38 kids 9 and 6 h left 8/9/09 loving and devoted wife and mother still going...10 months later...
Lost, in "The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy" (written by Douglas Adams) had the following words printed in capital letters and bold on the cover
DON'T PANIC!
That's good advice. When you feel like you're going to panic or lose it... then "get lost" and walkaway from the situation. Just walk away. Don't respond. All you need to say is, "We can talk about this some other time when our emotions are in check."
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have gone back and read over our posts...im still believing, just have a harder time...
No one said that this was easy.
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do i just continue DR???
YES.
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he has really hurt me by all of these words...
I know. It's not easy to hear them. That's why the quote, "Don't believe 100% of what they say" is so prevalent here.
i just want to know if we even stand the remotist of chances.
That's the BILLION dollar question that nobody can answer.
This is why you need to GAL. It is for YOU. Not H. It is to prove to yourself that life is indeed possible without the spouse. When you do that and you are happy, the added side benefit is that the spouse takes notice and starts questioning their motives.
I often quote that this is all one BIG mind-game. For both parties.
) And I think it may be time for you to rock the boat a little bit. Go and get yourself legal advice. Find out exactly where you stand. If he wants the D, let him do all the work for it. The threads here are littered with better responses than I could come up with for that.