A Choice

[patpat]

Thanks Dane....

For starters, I do not believe in D. I WILL NOT D MY WIFE. It goes against everything I believe to be true about the word of God. I will not sway on this. Now, if D is to happen, W will have to do it. I will not even play around with the thought. Knowing this, it appears that I am in for the long haul.

I pray for strength. I know that not everyone is strong enough to ride these things out forever. I do not know that I am any better. Probably not. I will try as long as the good Lord will let me. Saying that, again, I am in for 1 hell of a ride.

I will, however, DB the best that I can. There have been some positive baby steps of progress. But very small. So small that I do not know if they are even positive. Hence, the feeling of dispair I feel at the moment.

I am not anger at the moment. Just sad and trying to figure things out. Hard to figure though.

I believe:

W wants to come home.
W is really confused.
W actually does love me more than she originally thought.
W will soon want to try to reconcile.

Everyone here has had these same thoughts as their own at some point I am sure. I am at the beginning of what many here have gone thru. I am also one that does not follow the advice I am given all the time, and know better, and should do so. I think most know it will take many mistakes and time for me to get, to truely get to where I need to be to DB properly.

S2 is a heaven send. Her words ring true. 50% of what you see...huh!

I see my wife going to work and than to her friends (female) home where she is staying. I see W not spending a lot of time with OM. n the beginning, she did. But has backed way off. But still seeing him at the moment.

The thing about W is, is that she really is honest. She may not speak, but when asked, you get the truth. Like it or not, hurtful or not, the truth is the truth for her. Or, at least, the truth as she sees it. But I have never caught her in a lie. Wrong doing, yes.... but not in a lie. Maybe, I am just blind to it because of my feelings for her, I will have to0 spend more time on this one....

Thanks Dane...

Stay strong.... keep praying and I will pray for you also....