A Choice

[patpat]

Merry Christmas All

Had to speak to W last night because of S18, arrangements to drop gifts...

W told me (after 2.5 months & ILYBIANILWY) that she loves me. When I told her good night, it came out. Long pause, I said I love you, Good Night (prob not good DB'ing)

Advice... how should I take this....

[givingitmyall]

Merry Christmas All

Had to speak to W last night because of S18, arrangements to drop gifts...

W told me (after 2.5 months & ILYBIANILWY) that she loves me. When I told her good night, it came out. Long pause, I said I love you, Good Night (prob not good DB'ing)

Advice... how should I take this....

Don't pounce on this like a starving lion on the first piece of meat he has seen for a long time. She MAY have sent a signal. And I mean MAY. Keep saying that.

Just continue on as before, and almost act as if it did not happen. You want her to be curious about you and for HER to pursue you.

[patpat]

Merry Christnmas GIMA

Thanks... sounds like very good advice. I will not pounce.

I am not even sure why it came out of her. I'm glad it did though. It was nice to hear. I really have not had much convo with her at all. Thou there has been some.

Did have a chance to speak to MIL yesterday. Felt very good about that. MIL wants me to know that she loves me, not at all pleased with what W is doing, but chooses to not get involved. Hasn't been involved. MIL does not know how things will turn out but believes it is time for her to say something to W.

As for me. I do well today. S18 had the best XChristmas ever. I did add W's name to gifts even though she was not part of it this year. Did that just in case she does come back, S18 will not think she skipped x-mas. Do you think that was wrong of me?

Dinner is cooking...

Yes, I do want her to pursue....

Oh, just remembered. She did say she did not want to hurt my feelings...

[givingitmyall]

As for me. I do well today. S18 had the best XChristmas ever. I did add W's name to gifts even though she was not part of it this year. Did that just in case she does come back, S18 will not think she skipped x-mas. Do you think that was wrong of me?

No, I don't think that was wrong. Taking the high road never is the wrong thing.

Oh, just remembered. She did say she did not want to hurt my feelings...

Yep. I heard the same thing.

Not being the party pooper, just want you not to develop any expectations. It's the holidays, and people do some emotional things. That's why we don't trust our emotions.

Merry Christmas.

[patpat]

Agreed GIMA

I do not have any expectations right now. Living on Faith and a lingering hope that we will (at some point) work things out.

We shall see what the next several days brings...

Thanks!

[givingitmyall]

Good luck. I'm pulling for you.

[patpat]

Hey All...

Having a bad day....

Last night, Christmas night, I was sleeping. W showed up. Still has key to house. Came in, I was unprepared but OK. W brought me X-mas gift. Nice...

Talked for a bit. Small talk, no R talk. Then she told me that she was going out of town for a college event with her group of college friends. I said, this event is 2 days away. he said yea!

I said, "Hotel", she said yea... but even though OM will be there, I have room with other female.

I did not say anything. But can not get thought out of head.

She went on to say, I told you I love you, I replied, you should not say that. I felt bad because I like hearing her say it especially since she hasn't for so long since ILYBINILWY...

She went on to tell me that she is not there yet, but has a lot to sort out in head. I got the feeling that she may want to return home, but still feeling uncomfortable.

So I asked her, What is it that you need or expect from me? She simply stated, "No pressure"

I don't call. I don't text. I don't follow, and there is no R talk or OM talk... unless initiated by W. How do I make her not so uncomfartable here. House is clean, warm and friendly. She gave S18 his gifts from her and they had a warm embrace. W hugged me also... Said she had to go...

Is it possible that she may be telling the truth, that OM (even though) close, is on hold as far as the sex goes. She said to me that she does not feel sexual now because she is confused. But still has to fill her obligations with school which OM is a part of.

After these school related things are over, I believe her and OM will have a lot less in common. Stupid me for thinking that huh!

Time is my ally.

Need advice.... I don't even know what to say right now. I am not down. Actually really happen right now. Finished DR book, understand it, having a hard time with staying away from wife, but have had a couple ocassions where we did talk. Don't think that went to awful wrong.

Just can not get thoughts to leave even though they are not entirly unseting at the moment. For some weird reason, I actually believe her.

Help me to understand what I am feeling right now please....

[Dane]

Pat,
I feel the same way with my wife. I had so much unconditional trust with her forever, that I find it almost impossible to let it go.
From all the stories on this board(and mine), we all had wives that were morally sound and beyond trustworthy. Now, the reality is that they are human and are weak like the rest of us.
I think Sandi said, believe NOTHING of what they say, and only 50% of what you see. You still have feelings for her, so you are carrying the load. At some point, you will let it go(drop the rope). I for one, have the same feelings as you.
I think the advice would be keep doing what you are doing, sounds like it is working. You will have to set a boundary and complete disclosure if you reconcile.
Keep up the good work. Stay strong, keep pryaing and affirming.

[patpat]

Thanks Dane....

For starters, I do not believe in D. I WILL NOT D MY WIFE. It goes against everything I believe to be true about the word of God. I will not sway on this. Now, if D is to happen, W will have to do it. I will not even play around with the thought. Knowing this, it appears that I am in for the long haul.

I pray for strength. I know that not everyone is strong enough to ride these things out forever. I do not know that I am any better. Probably not. I will try as long as the good Lord will let me. Saying that, again, I am in for 1 hell of a ride.

I will, however, DB the best that I can. There have been some positive baby steps of progress. But very small. So small that I do not know if they are even positive. Hence, the feeling of dispair I feel at the moment.

I am not anger at the moment. Just sad and trying to figure things out. Hard to figure though.

I believe:

W wants to come home.
W is really confused.
W actually does love me more than she originally thought.
W will soon want to try to reconcile.

Everyone here has had these same thoughts as their own at some point I am sure. I am at the beginning of what many here have gone thru. I am also one that does not follow the advice I am given all the time, and know better, and should do so. I think most know it will take many mistakes and time for me to get, to truely get to where I need to be to DB properly.

S2 is a heaven send. Her words ring true. 50% of what you see...huh!

I see my wife going to work and than to her friends (female) home where she is staying. I see W not spending a lot of time with OM. n the beginning, she did. But has backed way off. But still seeing him at the moment.

The thing about W is, is that she really is honest. She may not speak, but when asked, you get the truth. Like it or not, hurtful or not, the truth is the truth for her. Or, at least, the truth as she sees it. But I have never caught her in a lie. Wrong doing, yes.... but not in a lie. Maybe, I am just blind to it because of my feelings for her, I will have to0 spend more time on this one....

Thanks Dane...

Stay strong.... keep praying and I will pray for you also....

[C-Bart]

PatPat,
Not much I can say to help ease your mind other then tell you that you sound like a decent and principled guy who is caught up in a bad situation. You can and will handle this with dignity and pride. That is who you are.