I wonder if you are right about the unknown number...if it was W. WHy doesn't she just drop off the gift at your door? Why call you? Why do you think? I could see it as being she is sick of going through IM and hoped she could just call you directly by catching you off guard with the blocked number. Maybe she was hoping to wish you a Merry Christmas too?
LOL ... sorry newmama. A woman who didn't even send me a condolence card for my mum isn't wanting to visit me to wish me a Merry Xmas!
She isn't going through IM as I asked her to. That's about control IMO (ie. I'm not listening to P, I will do my own thing).
She won't drop the gifts off at the door. That's about controlling D.
She is trying to call me (two days in a row) so that she can ask if it's okay to give D the presents. That is also about control and her 'appearance' in D's mind.
If I say to her on the phone it's okay to give D the presents. She wins and looks good to D.
If I say to her no on the phone to give D the presents. She wins and looks good to D (and also we look bad).
Either way she can't lose.
The only way to get out of it is to not do anything and put the onus on her to get the present to D. MIL did it easily enough. She can do it too. Now her 'appearance' in D's mind is actually on her own shoulders and has nothing to do with mum or dad ...
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So when NC is arranged with either a letter explaining the conditions for contact (reconcile or end the relationship) or no letter at all, this seems to be the same message as someone just not returning your call. If NC was arranged after BS said "I am done. Idon't want to hear from you ever again." Then I could see the conflict avoidant/weak WS thinking "okay, the BS really is over me. I won't ever bother going back or asking to R."
Before I sent the NC letter, I said to W that the M was over, I had a narrow escape and didn't want her back. Then I sent the NC letter about 6 weeks later. I told her friend the other night that I had moved on with my life and the marriage was dead. I also told her though that if W doesn't want to be D's step-mum then she should leave us alone. I did reiterate that several times. So to me, I am saying marriage is dead but we can still reconcile (which makes sense to us I think but probably not to WAS's). Not sure if that is a mixed message or not.
My thinking is that W has moved on anyway so won't care about any of that. Friend was very supportive of me moving on and encouraging. She gave me the impression and almost let slip that there are things going on in the background. Engagement? Babies? The impression I got was it was something big. However she also gave me the impression that she didn't know other small stuff such as OM working in the same store as W etc.
As has been said in here a few times, W is moving on with her life and is unlikely to be giving me or D a second thought at all (it's Xmas so that may be slightly less true than normal but normal service will resume in a few days). So not sure how to be dealing with things just now. Looking for a break after all the 'drama' and really just to be completely left alone by W until she removes her head from her a$$. Friend agrees with me about what I did with NC and has explained that to W (and she has clearly completely ignored her) but hopefully it will filter down again.
Last edited by P17; 12/26/0907:31 PM.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
