Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[P17]

He may be looking for you being done so the D doesn't hurt you as much.

This is my worry. What I don't get is that before October 15 (when he brought up the D last) I was not being mean, not being nice. On that day, I was sad and he saw me tearing up. So he brings up the D on that day??? Weird.

Not so weird. Maybe he thought it was the best thing for you. Because you are upset.

W did something similar to me when I said how much I was enjoying myself when we had our 'there is no future for us' talk. She said that I was happier because I wasn't with her ... I said no, I was happier that we were not having problems anymore.

It makes them feel better to be the one to fall on their sword for you. See they gave you the D because you were hurting ... they really are good people WAS's.

why hasn't he encouraged me to date

Come on newmama. You know the answer to that one. Just because he may not want you doesn't mean he wants anybody else to want you. That is why dating CAN work in some sitches and is a controversial subject on here.

or told me to "have fun" when I went out those last 2 times?

Now you're mind reading. Could be a thousand reasons. Maybe he is DBing you? Maybe he doesn't care? Maybe he wants to pretend that you going out doesn't hurt him ... you will never know.

Why has he been continuing to be nice instead of pulling away himself?

Cake eating. My W was the same - it was like she never left after a while. They have the best of both worlds. Why on earth would anybody pull away from that ...

Like I said, before I started doing this Plan A type thing, he was just kind of average. Polite. I start doing the cooking, cleaning, good mood, working out, looking good, complimenting and he is nice in return and has not brought it up since.

Cake eating. Normalising. Maybe he even thinks you've accepted his new 'life' and he feels less guilty about it now.

Although I started to pull away, I remember what the DB coach said and I have said it repeatedly: don't read too much into things this month, good or bad, because the holidays play with everyone's emotions. Don't do anything too drastic. He encouraged me to keep up what I have been doing for the time being. So I hope I'm not effing it up...

You're not doing that. Remember you had S on Xmas morning - he didn't.

Oh about the 8 hours on his day off; I was thinking 5-6 instead. My S is not even 6 months old yet.

I was thinking that was the reason.

I worry a bit about this and the same way I worry about the NC I have. You can't DB the WAS (other than GAL) when you have no contact with them. If you start having W seeing S away from your home, your contact is reduced to next to nothing. That may be desirable but it's just something to bear in mind if you haven't thought about it.