h is in mlc, now threatening divorce...

[Gnosis]

Hi Lost and I'm glad you had a good time.

i do not want to move, especially into an apartment. our girls are content where they are.

What are the real reasons for the move? (besides feeling you'd be better off.. are they financial etc)

be a part of dishing them anymore.

Sorry, I don't understand what that means.

i lost it. literally. he had me so angry. if he chose to walk out the way he did, he doesnt get to make major life changing decisions.

That's fair enough.

i KNOW i f@#ked up...

That's debatable.

these are things he needs to know tho.
he doesnt get to tell me where to live. he doesnt get to tell me what i can and cant do. what to feed the kids.

I agree with ALL of the above. He needs to know those things and you told him. Whether they registered in his mind or not depends on the kind of man he is. Some people only get the message when its said in anger, others switch off when that happens.

These are YOUR boundaries. Stick to them. No one here said you don't have any rights and that you must be a doormat.

what to spend money on

This is an open-ended statement. It could mean a thousand things so I'll hold off on commenting on it.

if he is not going to be a part of this family, it is up to me how i am to make it work out the best for myself and out daughters.

The keywords here are YOU and YOUR daughters. Your welfare, well-being and health. These are important. This is why GAL is important... to do things for yourself.

You cannot change him, you cannot change the way he thinks. What you can do is avoid triggering his resentment. Instead, find things you like and point them out sincerely. By changing your behavior and avoiding his triggers you are taking away his excuses to leave. Without those it forces him to think logically about if he is doing the right thing. That is all you can do.

all he need to know if how much money he need to pay me and then just leave it up to me to do what need to be done.

Careful here Lost. I know you're venting and you have a right to do that. Leave your venting here on the board. Never communicate something like that to him because he will think you're only want him because of the money. AND this will give him more excuses for his behavior.

i LOVE this man with all of my heart, i have and continue to put in very hard dedicated work to saving what we have.

I BELIEVE YOU.

i am sick of the indecisiveness and being told what to do...he left.....not me.

There is nothing you can do about the indecision. There IS something you can do about his attempts at controlling you. Start setting clear, ENFORCEABLE, BOUNDARIES. Read this thread about setting boundaries. Ensure that you enforce your boundaries with consequences.

he made fun of my support groups..i could go on and on.

That was mean and nasty. I'm sorry to hear this Lost. Don't share these confidences with him until he can truly appreciate the effort you are putting into this. Right now he doesn't want to hear it. It could be because of his own guilt. And in its own way is perceived as pressure on him.

is there a way for me to recover from this?

The amazing thing about us human beings is our remarkable strength to endure and recover. What you don't want to hear are the two dreaded words each of us hate: TIME and PATIENCE.

for as much as he seems he wants to help and do whats right...he reached out a bit to family members...he keeps making things harder. if he were to put a bit of energy into the normal way of life, he would be amazed at how far it may take him...

Yes, that would be the logical thing to do. Unfortunately, emotion short circuits it.

if he cant handle simple reality, and get help for himself so he can be that GREAT dad and loving husband he was, i cant do it for him...aaaaaaarrrrrrrrgggggggg

The words in bold are the truth. To know them is one thing, to live them and believe them are the most difficult things to do.

I wish I could wave a wand and make everything better... I think everyone here does. All we can do is support and help one another. Throw lumber around and grin and bear our own situations.

Keep your chin up and be strong.