The bit about her and the OM telling their bosses about their "love affair" is BS too. She's afraid you are going to use it against them. You don't go and tell on yourself for something that is clearly against company policy.
The next time she says something like that then reply, "So you won't mind me verifying that with your boss?"
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I guess I am feeling like I'm the one stuck with making the decision here. She almost seems pathetic in my mind when I think about how immature she has been being about everything. There's no way she can live on her own. And she's living with dbag now and thinking that that is her only option. She just isn't smart about anything right now.
Let me ASSURE you that you are starting to look very wise. I wouldn't look at it as being "stuck" with the decision. You sound STRONG when you show a woman you can and will be decisive. You aren't stuck with the decision. You are CHOOSING this decision. (wise men don't share their wife and try to win them back from a dirtbag) Big difference. Smart man...
Get your duck in a row and file as soon as those ducks are lined up. They are both in for a big awakening. You will begin to look better and better and better as REALITY hits them. I doubt either one of them is emotionally ready for what lies ahead.. Thrust into living together.. One with no money.. Kids that aren't yours... Both just going through divorce..
It has failure written all over it.. I would push them in that direction asap.. Shove her TO him.. She isn't sure what she wants. Take you as an option out of the way and you have a good chance that she will panic in a short time..
STAY STRONG. You are thinking in the correct terms. You said yourself she didn't do much anyways except for the laundry now and then and cook once in awhile. Gee, you can do all that WITHOUT her..
Actually, Nut, I think I do most of the family decision making. I mean, I did all the grocery shopping, I handled all the bills (even though she's a banker...), I did the dishes, etc. I did all our investing. Only thing she really did is laundry and cook every now and then. And spend money.
I stand corrected. So you have a princess on your hands. I'm not the best at giving advice about princesses...I kicked mine to the curb before there were any kids involved.
I think it is important that you have your lawyer address the phone being off issue. That way she is put on notice officially. Neither one of your boys is old enough to have his own phone, so she has to be accessible.
You are getting great advice from Coach and Gucci Loafer.
I stand corrected. So you have a princess on your hands. I'm not the best at giving advice about princesses...I kicked mine to the curb before there were any kids involved.
could you please look at my current stitch. I am trying to create a crisis and detach but not sure if i am on the right track. i failed a test that my husband played on me yesterday and am not sure how to correct.
Me: 28 H: 32 1st marriage 4 both 1 1/2 year married 2gether for 9 1S: 6months 1stepson: 2yo
Thanks all for the responses. Coach, you're absolutely right. My instincts say that it was another calculated lie. And when I asked her how her boss reacted, she didn't give me much of an answer really. Something like, "she understood."
Gucci, thanks for the support on my sitch. It's so lonely to be the only one that is thinking clearly. And when I reach out to friends and family, it's hard for them to understand what I'm doing, also. I mean, her sister (my wife's best friend) is now telling me that I should divorce her, for the sake of the kids.
Gucci-you mentioned lining up my ducks. What ducks do I need to line up prior to filing? I think I've closed off access to most accounts I can close access to. She will still have access to her 401K at her current job, and I think she took a large deduct from an old 401K (she said she was thinking about it, but the amount balance seems low. I have to check statements, Im thinking she took out 10K or so). Other than that, I might need help with figuring out which ducks to line up.
Nut-I agree about the phone being off. It's such a passive aggressive move. Esp. given how nice she was yesterday. She even gave me a goodbye hug, unsolicited, and returned to the house later to pick up my son's inhaler. I'm going to make that part of the legal stuff.
UPDATE: Wife turned her phone on at 4 pm, called me and cheerily asked "How are you feeling?!" Asked if she could keep the kids another night (surprise, surprise). I told her that her having her phone off is absolutely not acceptable. She said "I know, I know. I just forgot about it. I know how it looks though." Hmm. I let her keep the boys for the night since we are meeting at church anyway in the morning, and then I'll get them back.
Asked her what nights she wanted this week for the boys, and she said immediately "Tues, and Weds." Looking at the calendar, that looks very convenient. Have the boys a couple of nights, then whisk off with dbag for New Year's Eve parties. "Sounds convenient for you and Dbag's plans" I said. I think I'll give her Wed and Fri as a result. She lives in another world.
I also gave her a nice talking to about how I'm not a fall back plan, a plan B if you will, and that with every crazy action she takes, she puts a nail into the coffin of our marriage. Told her that I'm able to forgive, but that I'm not forgetting how she continues to act in such immature ways, and I'm a good, patient man, but I'm not going to wait around for her to find her sanity. Don't think that was backsliding, but not sure.
Only on this forum would others completely understand this crazy situation I find myself in. It's like some type of movie where you sit there and say, "Dude, that wife is NUTS!" and munch on your popcorn. Problem is, it's my wife. And it's not funny to me. It's pathetic, immature, and damaging to so many people.
Trying to stay busy. Working on my book and watching movies tonight.
Quick question: She just called so I could talk to the boys before they went to bed. We discussed visitation days this week (she wanted Tues and Weds, so I of course offered Wed and either Thur or Fri...) and then, as we were getting off the phone, she asked if I could pick her up a latte (which I used to do since I drink a coffee at the start of church) tomorrow morning on my way in to church. I was surprised, and agreed.
Am I overanalyzing a small detail? Should I not get her a latte and still get my own coffee? Part of me feels like she always preys on how good of a guy I am. Another part feels that it is an insignificant detail in the grand scheme of Operation Python.
Am I overanalyzing a small detail? Should I not get her a latte and still get my own coffee? Part of me feels like she always preys on how good of a guy I am. Another part feels that it is an insignificant detail in the grand scheme of Operation Python.
It is an insignificant detail--even if it isn't. Either she just wants a latte before church or it makes her feel powerful to have you bring her one. Either way it doesn't matter--it's a small thing that you would probably do for just about anyone, because you are a good guy. I don't think her behavior should dictate whether or not you are a good guy...as long as you are a strong and decisive good guy.
