Avermont, there is nothing that I can add that the others haven't said.
What is happening is normal.
One thing that I have realised in the last week (since just before seeing my IC actually) is that I want to get rid of hope. All hope of an R to my M. Because hope is what is holding me back and making me dragging my feet on finding what I'm looking for. Kill the hope. Maybe it is something that may help you too?
Your detachment goes up and down like a yo yo. It's because you're not truly detached. And I'm not saying that as one who is, I'm not either. I had a bad 3-4 days last week where I had a large pity party in here. I feel better now. You will feel better in a few days too. Just remember that - hit rock bottom, embrace it and then feel better. Each time I (you) hit rock bottom you get stronger when you come back and you learn something new about this journey. Sounds all wishy washy but it's true.
No matter whether the OW speaks his LL or not doesn't matter. She could have 15 heads and be from the planet Thargon - he's in love with her just now. That might be hard to hear but you know this. The chemicals are flooding the brain. Nothing matters to him just now. Nothing at all. Not you. Not his job. Not his mum. Nothing. When those chemicals stop flowing (and they will or he'd be dead - you can't keep that energy up forever!) then reality will start to slowly creep back into their lives.
A's are based on lies, deceit, hurt, guilt, upset and immorality. That is why so few of them ever move beyond a 'fling'. Your R with your H is based on love, understanding, caring, shared memories and commitment. He has none of those with OW and it's statistically unlikely he ever will.
I can't believe I'm saying this but you and I need to just be patient. And while we are doing that you must go down the road and learn and heal. One that journey one of two things will happen - H will come back and tell you he wants to try again. H will come back and tell you it's over and is filing for D. The point of the journey is that by the time they come to you and ask these questions, you can deal with either of them calmly and confidently.
Chin up girl. Things will be better in a few days. I promise that.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
