Here's a question which someone may be able to help with. W & BIL living together, what sort of impact might it have on W's emotional and 'companionship' needs and is it something I could possibly look at as a positive in that she isn't with OM in a sexual way ?
If this was reversed and you were living with your sister, would you still find some way to fulfill your sexual needs? She will do that through means of the computer, phone sex, etc.
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How do you stop a Facebook EA or put boundaries on it when you aren't under the same roof, or can you even ???
You don't stop it. You drop the rope and move on. If that day comes when she is ready to bring up the possibility of coming home, that is when you lay down the boundary. "Is the OM still in the picture"? "Does he still have access to your FB and you to his"? (If the answer is yes, then that is when you tell her "No, not as long as there is any contact whatsoever with OM".)
It will be a challenge b/c she lives close by and all the family connections, but you really need to drop the rope of trying to think of ways to control her and think of yourself as being single. That mental attitude will help you deal with it better. Just keep asking yourself what would you be doing if you were single. .......or how would you handle a situation that arises if you were single. Think in terms that does not include her at all. That is moving on with your life.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
