Had a fabulous Christmas, and H and I had a night out alone in the city, first one since we broke up. I know I am supposed to act/feel as if we are not M. So let's say we hung out as friends. I kept it light and happy, no R talks.
H has been here for two nights, and usually is at "his place" Fri and Sat. He is still here. He may stay through the weekend. All has been like the way it used to be - lots of laughing, fun, family time, wow, and our first datish-type night. The pain of the past eight months has been the pain of rejection. Now it' s the pain of things feeling so "normal" and yet they are not in reality and I am not wanting to push. I did great not acting/feeling needy. I just wanted to hug and snugggle him so much. It was hard not to.
But having presents with S this morning, dinner with my folks and H and S this evening, and our night out, feels like a family again. Can only be in the right direction. I'm so glad he's just not gone - yet.
So I need to remember that once the holidays are over, things could go back to bad and stressed - heck, he still has his own apt., and we are about to become legally separated. So why am I feeling closer than ever to him?
Hopefully when the holidays are over, he'll remember the good stuff and perhaps miss us some. Wow, I thought piecing would be blissful - but it's hard to hold the tension of the opposites! I have more to wish for when I have positive signs from H. Don't want to allow myself to get let down. Must keep perspective that we may still D.
