Thanks, blue! Merry Christmas to you as well! It went better than expected. SIL and I had a good talk. I responded a little more snappily than I needed to to some probing questions and we finally got down to brass tacks in our relationship. I explained that I am undergoing some personality updates right now and that speaking up is one of them. But it's definitely a learned skill and I'm not always striking the right balance yet. So I apologized for being rude and we had a good rest of the day. Still don't really like her that much, but at least we're on better terms than we were, more honest communication.
I feel like not giving the OW the evidence unless and until she asks for it. IMO it begs her to look. I'm not begging. If she doesn't know and I tell her all that, then I bet money she'll go looking. If she asks I can give her my Myspace name - there are pics of him with me and him with the kids there. Even some family pics I think. And if she really does already know, then I won't parade my life for her to disrespect, even in her own mind.
I'm worried that if he finds out I'm ratting him out to OW or messing with his fantasy my H won't let me and the kids move. He says he wants them there, so I can come too (how nice, right). I hate it. I feel like I HAVE to get out of this place, I don't want to keep the boys away from him, and I want to go to AZ and continue GAL (the place seems so perfect for me!).
But I hate that he thinks he can just tell me where I go and when b/c I am financially dependent on him! If he decides to use the move as a bargaining chip I'm not sure what to do exactly. I feel like his assistant or his housekeeper - that is how he is treating me. I want this move so badly...I just wonder how much self-respect I am giving up to get the heck out of here!
I could ask my parents' for help, but that would mean full disclosure to them. I don't want that. When my H is ready to put our M back together, I don't want my family holding a grudge to make it any harder. And also, my parents' solution would be for me to stay here, which will beyond a shadow of a doubt make me lose what's left of my mind. I can hardly endure it now, and I can't bear the thought of staying any longer than I have to.
So do I swallow my pride and not contact her until after the move? Does that make me a coward?
And one other worry - what if he's not really planning on moving us at all? I hate to think this is all a game so he can get his ducks in a row to divorce me or move her down there. Housing really can take time to get. And there's only one weird thing on our bank account records - a purchase at a UPS store there in AZ. Other than that he's not spending money in any weird ways that would raise red flags. Just double-checked his military pay stuff online. No money coming out that shouldn't be.
I hate to be paranoid, but I also don't want to be blindsided. If he's planning a clean break so he can go play house I want to know it.
No, she's a civilian. So I can't go after her through the military. It's a shame, really...he taught me how it's done, destroying someone's career with their infidelity. It would've been so poetic to be able to show him how well I learned my lessons on that subject.
undefeated 24 H 24 S's 4, 2, 1 M 5 yrs
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." ~Dale Carnegie
So I apologized for being rude and we had a good rest of the day. Still don't really like her that much, but at least we're on better terms than we were, more honest communication.
It would've been so poetic to be able to show him how well I learned my lessons on that subject.
