Thanks everyone. Been so busy no time to get on here. But thanks for all your advice. I have a few more updates. Be back later. Hope everyone is having a good night!
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
So been so busy lately. Got called into work a few times so I haven't been able to get on here.
I have had some crazy and weird, and frustrating and I just don't know developments.
Sat. night. H had a Christmas party for his crew. He didn't tell me about it until that day. Until now we haven't been doing anything as a couple yet. So he mentioned it, and I came out right and asked why I wasn't invited. He said of course I was invited. I am his wife. With his invitation comes mine. I looked at him puzzled, that's funny cause you didn't mention it until today, four o'clock, two hours prior! Way too late to get a babysitter and go.
So I took S3 to a hockey game instead and he stayed home with S1. When i got back, his buddy was over. He came to my room as I was getting in jammies and asked if its okay if he goes to the party. I said ya fine. No problem. I said it would have been nice if I could have gone with him.
He put his head down and pulled me in and apologized. Said he screwed up ( p.s. first time H has taken responsibility and apologized for going about things in the wrong way) and he doesn't know what he was thinking. He should have invited me a long time ago. He apologized a few more times and said he wished I was going with him rather than his buddy. But I couldn't we had two sleeping children in their beds. So he left. We flirted a bit as i was extremely happy about the headway we just made.
He comes home and jumps into my bed.
Starts seducing me.
Well at this point, I am all for it. Especially with the way things are going lately.
I stop him and tell him we need to talk. I bring up OW any old W really, nobody in particular. He swears up and down...on our marriage that he has been with nobody else.
I guess I believed him cause one thing led to the other....
And again in the morning.
It was beautiful, romantic, enjoyable, something I've been longing for, for 3 months.
So anyways, we have a good day. He leaves to play hockey and I do my thing.
Now this is the confusing part.
He comes home from hockey, watches sports highlights on t.v. I go to bed. He comes in when he's done, kneels on the floor beside me, wakes me up. And kisses me like crazy. I thought to myself..wow...it wasn't just a one time thing. He is actually coming around. Not only with his words but his actions as well.
He calls me sweetheart a few times in conversation and says goodnight. Kisses me again and goes down to the spare room!!!!!!!!!
What? After that night we just had you go to your room? No discussion nothing. He made a lame excuse, saying that his blankets and pillow are downstairs in the spare room and he doesn't want to go get them cause he's too lazy, so he'll just sleep down there.
Good one...it doesn't even make sense.
Now I don't know what to think. Is he scared? Is it awkward for him too? He is treating me like his wife, well if you want to be my husband again, then we aren't going to be sleeping in separate beds. I don't know how to bring this up with him.???
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
He is actually coming around. Not only with his words but his actions as well.
What actions show that he is committed to your marriage? As a man I don't see any.
Quote:
Now I don't know what to think. Is he scared? Is it awkward for him too? He is treating me like his wife, well if you want to be my husband again, then we aren't going to be sleeping in separate beds. I don't know how to bring this up with him.???
It's called a dialouge. Know what your concerns, issues, boundaries are and have a adult conversation.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
It sounds to me as if you need to set some personal boundaries. I agree with the others, I really don't see any urgency or diligence on his part to work on the marriage.
If it is unacceptable to have sex one night and have him sleep in a separate room the other then let him know you have decided that will not happen again. If you feel okay about it and can accept things how they are then accept them and stop wondering and trying to mind read.
IMO when he moved back home nothing was really established as far as boundaries, joint goals and individual goals.
Why are you unsure how to communicate your boundaries to him? Do you feel it will cause a conflict?
Well at this point, I am all for it. Especially with the way things are going lately.
I stop him and tell him we need to talk. I bring up OW any old W really, nobody in particular. He swears up and down...on our marriage that he has been with nobody else.
I guess I believed him cause one thing led to the other....
And again in the morning.
It was beautiful, romantic, enjoyable, something I've been longing for, for 3 months.
So anyways, we have a good day. He leaves to play hockey and I do my thing.
He just threw you a bone, and you jumped for it. And because you never set the personal boundary that we discussed back in early November, he was able to do exactly that.
Originally Posted By: britt54
He comes home from hockey, watches sports highlights on t.v. I go to bed. He comes in when he's done, kneels on the floor beside me, wakes me up. And kisses me like crazy. I thought to myself..wow...it wasn't just a one time thing. He is actually coming around. Not only with his words but his actions as well.
He calls me sweetheart a few times in conversation and says goodnight. Kisses me again and goes down to the spare room!!!!!!!!!
What? After that night we just had you go to your room? No discussion nothing. He made a lame excuse, saying that his blankets and pillow are downstairs in the spare room and he doesn't want to go get them cause he's too lazy, so he'll just sleep down there.
Good one...it doesn't even make sense.
Now I don't know what to think. Is he scared? Is it awkward for him too? He is treating me like his wife, well if you want to be my husband again, then we aren't going to be sleeping in separate beds. I don't know how to bring this up with him.???
Sure you do -- but you're still afraid that he will take his toys and leave again if you make him angry.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Hope you had a merry Christmas. Come back soon and let us know how you're doing...
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
