One day at a time....

[pearlharbr]

Rocked, you are NOT crazy. What Hope said about triggers is spot on--they are not logical, are strong and painful, and eventually they will lessen in severity and frequency.

This is one of the reasons I suggested you and H read those books. I know it helped BF tremendously to know what I was going through. He is very understanding about my episodes because he know they can strike whenever for whatever reason and what he needs to do to respond to them. After reading, we discussed what I need from him when I'm feeling insecure: reassurance from him by holding me, telling me that he loves me and intends to stay with me. I was specific so he knows exactly what I expect and isn't floudering and feeling even worse because he knows I'm upset because of him and he can't do anything to lessen the hurt. Make sense?

I know your H is in IC for his own issues but he needs some help with how to deal with the R issues as well because you can't just put everything on hold until he feels better.

Yes, your H is going through his own stuff too. It will help once he gets to the point where he will volunteer this information so you don't have to wonder what's going on in his head. BF is extremely non-confrontational and never wanted to discuss his feelings before (how we got into this mess in the first place). Now he knows that it's his responsibility to bring things up that are bothering him because he can't expect me to be a mindreader and vice versa. For now it's good to just keep in mind that it may not be about you.

Deep's post is excellent also. It will take time and there will be backslides. The important thing is how you handle them.

Remember to be kind to yourself.