Moving on with my life!

[Startingover2]

Well...Xmas is all but over and done. It was pretty decent for the most part. This evening with exh's family was great, but had some real painful moments.

This morning we had a great time with baby opening presents. All had a good time. This morning while we were waiting for baby to wake up exh asked me if I wouldn't hover over baby so much when we went to his familys Xmas like I did at Thanksgiving. I asked what he meant. He said I chased baby around so much that I didn't stop and visit. I wanted to say someone had to watch her...he was sitting in the chair. I didn't say that of course, but did say she is my child and I cannot let her just run amuck. I think that he wanted to put on a show for his family like he has been this really involved dad.

This afternoon/evening I went with baby to exh's familys. Most of his siblings and their wives/husbands/girlfriends were there (actually only one isn't married). ExMIL and her husband were there too. Baby had a blast. Lots of presents. Lots of kids. Lots of chaos.

I felt good for the most part, but I did feel really out of place...or more like I didn't know what my place was really. People were coupled up and then there was exh and I. He was very nice and friendly, but didn't really do much beyond that. I was included in everything...at one point the guys did like a famiy pic and then all of the women. I just sort of stood in the corner thinking this wasn't me included but then exh and the family insisted I be in the pic. I felt so stupid! I am not really part of the family anymore remember?! Exh left me! Exh has chosen anything else besides me! I also know that if it wasn't for baby and her and I being a package deal...I wouldn't be included. A few got me gifts which was very nice. Mil bought each couple this framed pic of the family and then got one each for exh and one for me. That was sort of akward.

The best moment was when SIL introduced me to the new gf of BIL and she introduced me like : This is SO2. She is exh's...(pause)girlfriend? Like she was asking me what I was. I said no but was so in shock and feeling sick at that moment I wanted to run and nothing was coming out of my mouth. MIL jumped in and said "this is exh's exwife. They have a child together." SIL turned to me and said "oh yeah, I forgot you guys were married." I wanted to die!

So as much as they did their best to include me..I felt so stupid at the same time. I know I can't expect any different, but it really did hurt.

Ohhhhh...then the one BIL that wasn't married decided to propose to his gf during present opening. I was happy for him, but wanted to crawl into a hole!

This is not how I wanted my life to go. I know nobody on this board thought we would ever end up here, but it really sucked tonight in some ways. I did have a good time, but it just sucked.