What can I do to save my marriage? Help

[Ready2Change]

She is a very intelligent woman...I can’t pull these “catch phrases” on her.

YES YOU CAN. It is important. You can use and test any "better" communication with her.

You are learning more effective ways to communicate. When I have the urge to say FU, I calmly say "I am sorry you feel that way". When my 9 year old son vents at me "Your a mean dad", I can calmly say "I am sorry you feel that way". When I calmly say "All the screaming is draining my energy", the kids all shut up. They know I need my energy to do things they want, like put a movie on or allow video games later.