There was an outburst of anger today from her when she became upset that I hadn’t swept the rugs all week, but the agreement with the DB board was that the housework was to be kept to a minimum and I have kept my word. I validated her anger, but the response from me was cookbook, and her return quip was “Where did that come from one of those books you have been reading?” At first became angry but I tried not to show it. I thought, this is her anger, her boundary, why should I let it bother me.
She is a very intelligent woman...I can’t pull these “catch phrases” on her.
Don't assume that because she's an intelligent woman that you can't use the responses as you've learned them, use them, the words still have meaning even if they feel like they are canned material. Set the boundary, she can be angry, but if she gets angry at you and yells at you, that is your boundary she is crossing, not hers. As for the housework, if she expects you to be responsible for it while she isn't responsible for it, that's another boundary she's crossing, she doesn't get to be angry at you and she doesn't get to use you as her servant/slave, be very careful and cognizant of that. It's important.
I hope the move back to your bedroom works well for you, in the end, expect her to get angry, that isn't an issue. Remember she's going to get angry at you, she's going to stand up to you and make you feel small and try to push you back into your little place, stand up to her, not like an a$$hole or a jerk but as a calm, cool, collected man who doesn't let people push him around. If the guest room was good enough for you, it's certainly good enough for her, tell her she will enjoy it, it's cozy in that room and even smile while you're saying it. It's ok to stand up to her, you want to establish that you're not afraid to rock the boat and that you're not afraid of her but at the same time you're not a tyrant either.
"This is my bedroom, I have as much right as you do to sleep in my bedroom, if you can explain why I don't have a right to sleep in my own bedroom, you better come and tell me right now and it better be good because I've decided I'm not being bullied out of my bedroom anymore!"
