To everyone I've missed, to those I can't reach directly (Coach, Greek, Puppy, Sandi2, etc), and to everyone else who has found themselves on this lifeline forum:
A very Merry Christmas to you all and thank you from the bottom of my heart to all of you who have selflessly listened, commiserated, chimed in, helped dramatically, talked me down when I needed it, talked me up when I needed it, and who generally have made a loving difference in my life.
Thank you.
(Inner) Peace
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Gotcha. Oddly enough, when I saw them on the counter, I cried. Just let it out.
Then thought I'd rephrase her note to its true essence: "I abandoned you, abandoned our vows, selfishly took away a (formerly ) great companion, friend, partner, lover, playmate, wife. Emptied our home. Turned it into an empty house. Led you down a garden path for over a year: One year temporary respite: revoked. We can get a way with it: revoked. We'll spend weekends together: revoked. We'll run weekly errands together: revoked We'll continue to be intimate: revoked I'm still committed to our marriage:revoked We'll go on dates: revoked. We'll talk every morning and every night: revoked I'll pay towards the house: revoked You're still my Gardener and always will be: revoked Well, I'll at least pay the homeowner's insurance: revoked. We'll still go on Gardner Blended Family Annual Seashore Vacation together: revoked I'll still pay for half of said vacation as always: revoked In addition, I'll decide irrevocably that I want a divorce on Feb. 5th and won't inform you until May 13, (while continuing to give you false hope by continuing MC for those 4 months). I'll not even use the word Divorce for months ("I won't be stepping back into relationship with you") I'll finally tell you why I want a divorce but not until October 9th. I'll enter into mediation and repeat the words "50-50 split on everything while asking you constantly for more than 50-50. I'll strap you with all the household expenses and repairs on your own for a year and then still ask for my half of the sale proceeds. I'll do my best to maintain blended family relationships. Revoked. I'll accuse you of stalking me and refuse to believe you when you deny it and are appalled by it. I'll accuse you of pre-separation sexual abuse even though your "crime" was simply getting aroused each night when we spooned in bed. I'll tell others you stalked me and sexually abused me. Then I'll say I still want to be friends despite the above and despite the fact that I've proven I am anything but by all of the above and by proving that my word, promises, commitments, and vows were meaningless.
Oh. and then I'll bake you Christmas cookies with a note that says "G, Merry Christmas. I wish you peace, Mrs. G."
Well, I wish you honesty, loyalty, integrity, truthfulness, decency, vow-honoring, unselfishness, unalien-like behavior and so much more.
I'll regain my peace before you regain (or attain) any of those.
I'll be fine, but you, my former friend, are in for a big fall eventually.
Yeah, I threw the cookies in the garbage, all right. Followed by Christmas morning emails to my suddenly estranged Step-Children telling them I'll be here when they're ready. Oh, yes, and a Christmas Morning email to you saying, "thank you for the cookies. That was so sweet of you."
Right.
Okay, I'm done, now (did a fairly succinct job of getting all that off my chest)
Last edited by Gardener; 12/26/0905:07 AM.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Son and i decided that maintaining Christmas Eve tradition at my house would be kind of depressing what with it now being the two of us and not the whole, happy blended family crowd of 10.
So we went to a pub late last night to eat and talk.
Today, I went to my brothers' house for Christmas. He and his wife were cool, normal. Nephews a little awkward, but not much. When brother's SIL, BIL and their DD showed up, things were really kind of awkward, so decided to put it to rest with:
"I have known several of you for almost 40 years, some of you I've known all your life. And one of you, I've known all my life (my brother). So let me take a take a couple of minutes to address the 800 pound gorilla in the room, or at least the 120 pound woman who isn't in the room." I gave them a brief fairly non-judgmental synopsis of the last 13 months. Everyone seemed relieved, offered condolences, etc. and Christmas Day "officially" started quite comfortably and normally. Glad I did it.
Have I posted about Nephew, 31 telling a one-year-divorced coworker about me and suggesting we talk? N says to me "she's nine years younger than you and she's an art teacher, pretty, a lot of fun, great sense of humor and a bit hippie-ish like you. She gave me her email address and asked me to invite you to write her. She was saying she'd sure like some male company and conversation."
Good kid, that nephew.
That was a week ago. I'm in no rush and have been quite busy, so have done nothing.
Last night he emails me saying, "I know I'll see you tomorrow, but I thought I'd tell you that coworker mentioned at Christmas party tonight that she hadn't heard from you,"
Good sign, I figure.
So I wait until this morning and send her an email:
Subject: A man whose nephew has a good heart...
"...Is sorry for taking a few days to respond to your invitation.
But perhaps there can be no nicer first greeting than, "Merry Christmas Amanda."
I look forward to talking with you." Gardener.
Pretty good, I thought.
Tonight, I get home and there's a reply from her from 6:00 pm:
"Subject: Merry Christmas" and the first partial line I can see on my email system next to the Subject line says,"Merry Christmas to you, gardener. We usually hear" and that's all it shows.
That's all I know because I haven't opened it, yet!
Hey, I think I sent a pretty good opening email to her, but I'm new all over again at this, I'm tired and I think I'll wait until the morning to open it, respond, and get the ball rolling.
Other good news to report today is that Nephew tells me he got text message from my recently-estranged step-son today: "Merry Christmas (Nephew), I'm in Boston with friends for Christmas weekend" - (I was quite surprised to hear he wasn't doing traditional Christmas Eve celebration with Mrs. G. at her new apartment and kind of "bailed" for the entire weekend)) -"been too long. When I get back, you and me and Gardener's son should get together some night. Maybe Gardener, too."
My son got similar text message from Step son today, too.
Good sign. The supposed "estrangement" seems to perhaps be thawing quite soon already.
A good sign.
Merry Christmas again, to all. Sorry to go on so much like this tonight when I still have yet to catch up on so many of your sitches in the past week. I will this weekend.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Some positive signs there for you... so good to hear! You are handling yourself amazingly well considering everything you have experienced. I admire that! Good choice getting things out in the open right away at your relative's house... clear the air and then you can enjoy the day.
I think there will be good things on the horizon for you!
Merry Xmas Gardener! Sounds like getting the subject out of the way paid off big time. Good luck with the new friendship, just remember you have a lot to offer to the right person. Hope the rest of the week is pleasant with not feathers ruffled.
____________________________
W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
