Hope and heartache

[ClingingToHope]

OK. DBers, here's a synopsis of what happened and what's happening later. Please chime in if you have time.

Went over to the house to go through presents. It was a blast. W spent big bucks on the girls, which might explain why she's been so broke lately.

She was smiling, laughing, we caught eyes a few times.

Then she was working on setting up D10's notebook -- the big gift. And having problems so she asked me to help. I searched for how to get the right codes to set up the wireless and asked her to come read it.

We sat there very close and I actually had my hand on her back and she didn't pull away. Earlier she used my knee to pull herself up.

Yes. I know. Reading too much into things.

She had to take a shower so they could over to her mother's house and I stayed until they were ready to go.

She asked when I wanted the girls. I said 5 p.m. She said, well, we're eating at 3, your welcome to come ... hesitating ... if you don't already have plans, and then you can just take the girls home.

I asked if she wanted me to and she said you can come.

Now, she may just be looking to stay later and not have to drive them, she may be looking to duck out and see a possible OM -- see earlier post. She may be looking to be nice. She may even be looking to see if I had plans already.

I don't know what the answer is. I do know that one of the major mistakes I made with W was not fully embracing her family.

Since we split, I've seen her mom exactly three times and haven't seen her younger sister at all.

So here's a two-hour chance to shine.

I know, whack me with 2-by-4s.

Here's my thought. In DBing, it says every opportunity is a chance to show the WAS what she is missing. That is what I'll do. I'm not going to hang around her or the girls. I'm going to catch up with MIL and SIL. We haven't talked in so long the conversation shouldn't get stale. I'm going to assume the role in the family -- at least for a couple of hours -- that I always should have embraced.

I told W way back in March that I finally got what unconditional love meant. It meant if I love W then I love her family, warts included. I'd never been like that. I'd be nice to them when it suited my needs and whine about them when they needed my help.

I know I can't win her back today. In fact, I know the odds are still incredibly stacked against me and that -- most likely -- a divorce will be filed on or before Mother's Day.

I also know I'm supposed to be unavailable in LRT. I've been in it consistently since Oct. 6 and pointedly got on with my own life and the couple of times she offered help or something from the house, I rebuffed it.

But I keep wondering how do you build a bridge that W can cross back if she is having doubts about the single life. This is a small chance to build that bridge or at least show her a bridge is available.

I totally understand the weak aspect Gucci, and the second invitation to Chicago was weak. The first one was polite and a test.

The ultimate power play still is available to me and that's to file for a D on my own. I don't believe she thinks I'd do that. But I don't want to use it as a tactic. I want to use it when I'm absolutely sure there's nothing left and she is just going to cake eat forever.

Perhaps accepting the invitation this morning was wrong and perhaps going to dinner is wrong. If it is and things just get worse then I'm exactly where I was when I woke up yesterday morning -- on my way to getting a D.