DanceQueen, heard somewhere that about 1/3 of couples showing up at the therapist with desire differences involve couples where the husband is LD. So that's almost half. If it's the case that fewer women will complain, maybe the split really is 50/50. Yes, a shock for me to personally comprehend that, but intellectually I can believe it. And it's not like I haven't met a few of them. But it's easy for me to dismiss their comments as being "novelty" driven. Sure, I reason to myself, they say that now, but a few months into the relationship, the novelty will wear off and it'll be back to "no sex tonight" all over again. Which has been a deterrent for me to divorce and just getting a new relationship. With stories of menopause and such, I feel the chances are pretty good that it'll be right back to "no sex" in short order, no matter how much sex it started off with, and I'll be right back where I started and wishing I hadn't divorced.
Yes, I'm aware that most strippers, etc., have been sexually abused. In which case, it's possible that I have never had a sexual encounter with a woman who was NOT sexually abused. Perhaps I've become accustomed to a lack of "normal" sexual connection because of my wife's abuse. As a result, perhaps I don't fully understand what I'm missing that I might have experienced with a long-term normal relationship? I do have the intuition that if I were with a woman who felt about sex the way I do, in both an emotional and physical way, it would be a very different experience. But it's my sense that I've always had to keep those feelings and physical expressions to myself, because they are "inappropriate" to my wife. I feel they're FINE, but I know she doesn't. If I were with someone who also felt they were fine, it would be a huge relief. But I've never experienced that in real life so it's just a theory or a feeling on my part.
And no, I don't find your statements "moralizing" at all. Everything you've said sounds right on the money.
