I would add that you have to change the way you are thinking. You are speaking in terms of what your W is doing to you. That isn't healthy. People don't "do things to" a leader. They do things to victims.
I don't think you are trying to be a victim, I just want you to be aware of a way of thinking that can lead you to a bad place. Seligman calls this "learned helpessness."
You aren't helpless b/c YOU decide how YOU will react to what she does/says. Yes, what your W is doing is hurtful and vindictive, but YOU decide how it's going to affect you. Take back that control while at the same time processing the pain that undoubtedly is there.
"Handling it" doesn't mean you won't hurt. It means you know you are stronger than the hurt.
I think my problem is, I am feeling sorry for myself, and I am feeling as if I have done something WRONG.
I am a leader-always have been.
I am going to do my best to take my control back, and not give her that power.
I sometimes don't think that I am stronger than the hurt, but I am going to have to start somewhere.
You ARE feeling sorry for yourself...and that's ok for a brief while. Just recognize it's normal, but not productive. Acknowledge the feelings, process them, and keep moving.
I firmly believe we are never given more than we can handle. The more we are given to overcome, the more strength it will build as we pass over that challenge and prevail.
If you want to build muscle, you have to tear down the existing muscle to make more.
The whole thing is SNAFU. And believe you me, that is going to be normal for a while here.
No expectations. No assumptions (e.g. assuming she is having the time of her life). You DON'T KNOW what's going on in her head, she's not going to tell you right now, and IT DOESN'T MATTER TO YOU.
Your right and left limits are you and your kids. That's it.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I guess the hardest part for me is that she is throwing everything we have worked so hard for, for a few months of acting like a 20 year old.
You are right, no matter what, I can't know what she is thinking, it just seems as if she doesn't have a care in the world, and everything is going exactly the way she thought it would.
"embrace the suck" - Coach "don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy Let Go and Let God Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010
Well, last night was bad. W told S15 that she was in fact in Dallas W OM. He had asked her if he could come by the house early and get his Christmas gift, she then sent me a text saying that she wouldn't be home until Monday.
It really hurt me, well, I LET it hurt me, and I could see the hurt in my S15 eyes.
W then proceeded to send me a series of nasty texts, saying that she is happier than she has ever been, she used to throw up in her mouth when I touched her, she hates me etc.
My boys and I are headed back home, well, my friends home today.
"embrace the suck" - Coach "don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy Let Go and Let God Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010
That sucks. Really sucks. Nothing worse than seeing your child hurt and not be able to stop that.
Take a deep breath, put the negative emotions to the side and recognize your W's inhumane comments for what they are. The caustic, hateful statements of a completely insecure and vindictive human being. If she were that happy, why does she feel the need to repeat those comments to you? I would submit that she is NOT happy. And when this all over she REALLY isn't going to be happy.
What you are dealing with, friend, is a ridiculously spoiled and self-centered teenager trapped in a grown woman's body.
Put her comments out of your head and go about your day. Right now, she isn't worth your time and worry.
I just have never seen this side of her, and it is hard to beleive that I love this W. She has always been kind of cold, but, this is a whole new level, even for her.
The amount of pain she sends my way, and the manner in which she does it is so hurtful.
I am going to have a good day travelling with my boys, and the rest of the weekend.
I also believe that she is not happy but then again, I couldn't possibly know that.
Is she saying those things because she feels bad for what she is doing? And when she does-it validates to her what she is doing?
I guess I try to analyze this stuff too much, trying to figure out what is happening-you know?
"embrace the suck" - Coach "don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy Let Go and Let God Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010
Well, last night was bad. W told S15 that she was in fact in Dallas W OM. He had asked her if he could come by the house early and get his Christmas gift, she then sent me a text saying that she wouldn't be home until Monday.
It really hurt me, well, I LET it hurt me, and I could see the hurt in my S15 eyes.
Mother of the Year.
Quote:
W then proceeded to send me a series of nasty texts, saying that she is happier than she has ever been, she used to throw up in her mouth when I touched her, she hates me etc.
If it weren't so hurtful to you, SD...this would be FUNNY! Think of it - there she is with OM, supposedly as happy as EVER ...she STOPS in the midst of her BLISS to text YOU! Really, woman? You're so happy and filled with SPITE, too? That ain't happy, sister. That's WTF funny! She is a trainwreck, SD and she doesn't even know it.
I'm sorry this hurts you, SD, but she really is off the rails.
Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
