I hope everyone out there is having the best Christmas you can. Update on my sitch-
weekend before Christmas, got an email saying he was moving out by Jan 15th. Said he knows we haven't talked about it, but that was his plan. I emailed back and said we did need to talk about it before it happens for daughter's sake. Next day he was gone all day with daughter, came home, dropped all her and my presents from his family in the living room and went downstairs. Daughter was visibly upset so the next day I left him a note saying we had to talk about her and his moving out. I will put up with a lot, but not my daughter being upset by his actions.
We argued for about 45 minutes on the phone. Jist of the convo was that he may visit with her after he moves out in our house and I will make myself scarce for the evening rather than him taking her 2 hours each way to his family's house. He also mentioned that he had been keeping a journal of how I'm treating him and his feelings. He said he writes down when I do and don't say hello to him. Any idea what that might be for?
I explained to him that although I don't want to be around him as long as he is having affair, I will put that aside in cases like the night she was upset and Christmas. He asked if I was getting him gifts and I said I didn't, but daughter did. He said he would do the same. We talked a little about logistics for the week and he said he was going out to dinner the night before Christmas eve. Originally he said he was going to his brothers and was adament about being out that night. I'm not stupid, so I told him that as long as he was going out to dinner with the OW, he could stay out for the night and not come home.
Fast forward to Christmas. I did not buy him any gifts. Daughter made him 2 craft gifts and we made everyone in the family their own photo calendar. That was it. He went shopping by himself, bought me a card from daughter, a pot, a steamer, and baking sheets. She didn't pick any of it out obviously. Strange. I felt a twinge of bad, but reminded myself that this is his choice.
Christmas morning he made me coffee. (He does not drink any) This is huge because he has not made me coffee since this all started back in October. As much as I keep telling myself he is only here for daughter, I can't ignore that little fact. Also, on Christmas eve, he said something completely absurdly wrong on purpose and I called him out on it(it was somewhat of a joke) He actually laughed. First time I've seen him laugh since October.
This week he's been around the house a bit more after our argument on Monday. He actually asked me what I wanted for dinner twice this week. (Hasn't for weeks) he also sent me 2 text messages about random things that were not necessary. I didn't respond.
I am trying really hard not to read too far into these little things, but aren't they somewhat of baby steps? I'm obviously upset by the fact that he wants to move out, but I realize this may be a good thing, it seems the more time we are apart, the better things are when he is here.
Also, I got him to agree to see a counselor to help figure out how to handle things with daughter and letting her know. I spoke with one the other day and explained everything. She said she would talk with us under the premise of my daughter and see if she can dig a little and get him to open up so that we can resolve what's between us for daughter's sake, but also if there's any chance to save the marriage. She is a psycho analyst? Any experience with that kind of therapist?
Sorry this was so long, I guess I needed to get a lot out. If you made it this far, and advice or comments would be greatly welcomed. The best part about these forums is that I usually hear what I don't want to, but know to be the best... if that makes sense. Thanks for reading and Merry Christmas.
