Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[givingitmyall]

Ha!I know. No problems there.

I think you did a much better job describing it than I.

Merry Christmas.

[SoldierDad]

Merry Christmas all,

had fun last night with family, woke up this morning feeling sad and depressed again. I just can't shake the thoughts of her.

Also, I am absolutely dreading the thought of dropping off my boys with her, as she is going to do or say something to hurt me.

She is having a Christmas party tonight at our home, with her "friends". She told S15 this last night, knowing he would tell me.

It just drives me crazy these thoughts.

It hurts really bad, knowing that she is doing these things, and has no regard for me or how I feel about what she is doing.

[givingitmyall]

Merry Christmas all,

had fun last night with family, woke up this morning feeling sad and depressed again. I just can't shake the thoughts of her.

Also, I am absolutely dreading the thought of dropping off my boys with her, as she is going to do or say something to hurt me.

She is having a Christmas party tonight at our home, with her "friends". She told S15 this last night, knowing he would tell me.

It just drives me crazy these thoughts.

Merry Christmas SD. You caught me on here for a brief respite before the next wave of W's family arrives.

OK, two things. One, you cannot control what your W does/says/thinks. But you CAN control how YOU react to what she does/says/thinks. Get control of you.

Two, live in the present. Don't borrow trouble from the future and things that may or may not happen.

Understandably, you feel worried, hurt, angry, resentment. Hate to say it, but welcome to the club. We all have those feelings. But how we deal with them is what seperates those who struggle with this and those who can deal with it. Only you decide which you will be.

You can handle this. And you will.

Focus on your family today. All we are really promised is the now, not the future.

[SoldierDad]

gima,

I have focused on my boys for the past week, and been trying to keep it together. They haven't seen me get emotional-besides the morning we went by the house to get S15's pillow, and another OM truck was parked outside.

I think I just need to let go of whatever she is doing, and just act as if I don't care who or how many men she goes with. It is so hard to do-letting go.

I think she sees me as weak as I took pics of the truck, etc. I think this is a sign to her that I still care-and she sees this as weak-am I right?

I dunno, I don't even know if I want to reconcile, but what I do want is for her to STOP her irrational behavior.

And, I know I can't control what she does.

-when does she get tired of doing this stuff??

She continues to act as if this is what she really wants/has always wanted-partying, going out, drinking til late at night-I just don't get it. She is hanging with people in their 20-early 30's.

[MichelleLT]

What he said.

Plus,

It hurts really bad, knowing that she is doing these things, and has no regard for me or how I feel about what she is doing.

If she didn't care, she wouldn't be trying to get a reaction out of you. She is not completely detached either. Not that that makes a difference in what you need to focus on, just saying.

Focus on now. Take it one step at a time. Enjoy your Christmas and try not to worry about the other crap.

[MichelleLT]

Your documentation is protecting you. It doesn't matter what she thinks.

She'll stop it when she decides to. Not a minute before.

[SoldierDad]

LT,

I really thought-I know I know- she would have taken a step back when I confronted her with the info from the PI. I thought she would of really thought about what she is doing, but all it seems to have done is push her even further away and into more and more OM arms.

I feel stupid, and weak for exposing her-well, she makes me feel that way. Of course she has denied EVERYTHING, but I know better.

I just want to detach finally, and let go of this emotional hell she is putting me through.

[givingitmyall]

SD,

What Michele said. Look, today is an emotional day for people, even when things are going well. In our sitchs, well, it's still emotional, but not always "good" emotional.

So, if you need to go find somewhere to get those bad emotions out, that is ok, probably necessary. Nothing weak about that.

Then KEEP focusing on the boys. Today is really about them anyway.

I know this is hard but you can handle this.

[MichelleLT]

There is no way of knowing what she is thinking.

Sometimes, she will react by being angry and more determined to proceed down the path she has chosen. Any second thoughts may not show up til later.

There is no way to know.

The more important thing is: NO expectations.

I just want to detach finally, and let go of this emotional hell she is putting me through.

You can let go of it, because you are the one putting you through it. If some stranger tried to manipulate you this way, it would have no deep emotional impact on you. The only reason that she has this impact on you is because you keep expecting her to act like the person you fell in love with, to show consideration for your feelings. While she is doing her best to prove to the world that she doesn't care.

[SoldierDad]

LT,

it is my expectations that she is suddenly going to change, and beg me to come back, and say she is sorry. It just isn't going to happen.

She is having the time of her life.

I have got to find a way to not have any expectations, and just freaking DETACH!!!

I am struggling with this, and need to dig deep to get there.

It all seems so unfair, and I know it isn't.

Gotta fight through all these emotions, and expectations. It is ME that is holding ME back-not her.