I think Greek is worried about you because of this last paragraph:
Originally Posted By: aflowergirlie
All of my feelings and emotions for him have come back in full force and I don't know how to get myself picked back up again. I wish they would all just go away because this feels like the bomb just got dropped on me yesterday and I'm having get over him all over again.
I think she took this as a sign of you contemplating reconciliation. If I read you correctly I know that this is not the case. No one knows better than you the kind of man you have dealt with over the years. No one knows better than you how ill he is.
To answer your question: The best way to pick yourself up is to start getting busy. DO NOT stay at home alone. Go to friends and family and let them support you. Start becoming active in your environment (work, friends, sports, family etc)
With all you wrote in your post above:
OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE IN THE LINE OF FIRE
EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT!!!
You may feel that you broke down and didn't retain your cool, but I don't see it that way at all. Its good that he saw the pain he caused you. Its good that he realize the damage caused. Do not see your tears as a sign of weakness or neediness. They are a natural, inevitable process and a step towards healing.
I'm so glad that you were prepared for that talk. You said all the right things. Did all the right things. Behaved the right way. I don't think there is one person here who could claim to as come close to the way you handled yourself.
Let the waterworks flow as much as you want and don't feel guilty for them. It's OK to grieve. Take your time and heal. You're mourning the loss of your marriage. You've had a lot dropped into your lap these past few weeks and your mind is trying to come to grips with it. Unfortunately it takes time.
((( AFG )))
Thanks Gno. Yes, you read me and everything that happened completely spot on. Thanks for the pick-me-up in getting my mind refocused on how to get back on track right now. I also felt much relief in letting my emotions occur naturally during those few days, instead of trying to maintain my block and suppress. Thanks again for your continued encouragement and support. (((Gno)))
Me-34 XH-33 No Kids We were M-12Y T-15Y 5/09 Same house-separate bedrooms 01/10 I filed for D / H moved out 09/16/10 Divorced
When Greek told you to realize that you would always love him....it made me think about something I read. It was speaking of fear. The idea a lot of people have is that we are suppose to stop being afraid "before" we act on certain things, but this author was saying to "do it in spite of the fear". I think she said something like...."Be afraid and do it anyway".
I guess what I'm thinking with all of this is that those who are able to stop loving their WAS are the lucky ones, in some ways....b/c of stopping the terrible pain. But for others, they will always have that love in their heart, so they just have to move on in spite of that love.
The time of year doesn't help with your feelings, either. I think you can expect to keep experiencing a lot of emotions......and even that "love" to pop up when you thought it was all gone.
You can do this, sweetheart.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
The idea a lot of people have is that we are suppose to stop being afraid "before" we act on certain things, but this author was saying to "do it in spite of the fear". I think she said something like...."Be afraid and do it anyway".
Thanks for that Sandi. I was looking for a better way to communicate this than saying to people, "Conquer your fear."
Haven't seen or heard from H since Friday. Could tell he had been home for lunch today. I have a feeling he probably just grabbed more clothes as well and won't be back tonight.
Saw my IC today. He also helped me in reminding myself of walking through this process even while being fearful of the unknown. It is very scary and it is the most ALONE I have ever felt in my entire life. No matter who I turn to, even with all the shoulders to cry on and listening ears, not one person in the whole world can help me with this. It is my journey all alone and it makes me feel so sad, depressed, and lonely when I have to keep realizing that.
Am feeling my strength returning though. Reminding myself of who I have grown into and this new person who is emerging from all of this. That the new me is incomparable to anyone else H will ever find or be with from this point forward (especially given his current choice). That in itself is very powerful and a huge motivator for me to continue working on myself. Just have to keep chugging along. There will be a lessening of all my grief some day, and at some point...just not right now, and I can, will, and do accept that.
Me-34 XH-33 No Kids We were M-12Y T-15Y 5/09 Same house-separate bedrooms 01/10 I filed for D / H moved out 09/16/10 Divorced
Sweetie, I am certain that you will move on and find someone else who will not sneak a busted down old wh*re into your home, and then have the nerve to ask you what you thought of her. You could pick up any guy, ANY GUY on ANY STREET CORNER, and they would know better than that! Their core values would prevent something like that from even entering their minds.
Are you f'ing KIDDING ME???? Your h actually asked you WHAT YOU THOUGHT OF HER????? He REALLY thought that was a REASONABLE topic of conversation??
What? Are you his BFF now? Were you supposed to pop some corn, make some cocoa, get into your jammies, give each other manicures and giggle with h about how wonderful his, ahem, PAID ESCORT IS???
He wants your APPROVAL??? Your BLESSING????
"Oh, yeah! Good choice h. She's just perfect. Let me help you move her in! Your family will be so proud that you traded up to a wh*re. Whew, so-o-o-o much better than a nice, wholesome marriage......the awesome sanctity of marriage......."
Sick, sick, sick!
Wow. Me? I would have told him, among other things, that I have no respect for an old wh*re, nor, any other *sshole who would bring one into the marital home and turn it into a cathouse.
Oh, bring on the kitty pictures! Ah! Now those are now starting to make sense to me. He texts kitty pictures as a prelude to the real thing. Hmmmm.....thanks for the warning, f*ckface.
Honey, this guy is off his rocker, not simply lost in that cute little "mlc fog." His core values are really f'ed. Even if you guys were having the most contentious D there is, most human beings realize that you don't sh!t where you eat. There is something seriously wrong with him.
Seriously.
Now, as for you, I so admire how you handled the legal conversation and I was LMAO at his ridiculous threats..."you'll be sorry"..."I'll get an even meaner L".....yadda, yadda..."you just wait"...yadda......
Again, LMMFAOPIMP!!!! If he starts that sh!t again, ask him how that is going to play out in front of a judge in a courtroom with all of your family and other witnesses present. I mean, jeez, if he thinks his behavior in nothing to be ashamed of, well, let's just put it right on out there! Shout it from the rooftops! Heh...
Your h wouldn't know a good L to save his ass. Oh, wait......I'll bet the wh*re is properly schooled in matters of the law....arrests.....pimps.....etc....
You will get stronger and your grief will lessen. If I can do it anybody can!
I am so pleased to hear you are seeing a counselor. I have actually come to enjoy my counseling sessions and really look forward to all the challenges they present. It's empowering actually.
I am at the point now where I feel so much stronger and focused that on the rare occasion I do have to speak to my H I really do feel great sympathy for him. He seems so weak and childlike and unable to deal with anything. He moved out almost 2 years ago and our legal separation became final on 11/17/09 and he is still saying the same things and behaving the same way he did when he first dropped the bomb. It's rather disturbing to witness now that I am in a much better place.
It takes a strong woman to say "hey, I am not going to tolerate this anymore and I do plan to proceed with MY best interest". It took me a long time to get to that point but once I did I simply stuck to the plan my attny mapped out for me and worked really hard to set boundaries so my new life could begin.
I won't sugar coat it and say the legal portion of divorce/separation is easy. Honestly it was one of the most frightening ordeals of my life but I manged to live through it
As strange as this sounds I am really enjoying the process of getting to know ME again. I feel like I got a second shot at life and how lucky is that?!
Anyhow, just wanted to throw some support your way! Happy Holidays and thanks for all the inspiration!
I also wanted to add that I wasn't trying to diminish or ignore the grief you are feeling. I myself still feel grief from time to time but the real turning point for me was learning and understanding how to deal with the grief and sadness in tandem with my own growth.
I used to hold it all in which eventually led to me becoming very ill both emotionally and physically. Now I know it's okay to say to myself or somebody within my support system "hey, today I feel sad and I know I can work through it". Every so often I shed a tear or feel a pang of sadness, betrayal or a deep sense of grief but I have learned to counter those feelings with positive ones while not ignoring them. It was a very tricky balance for me to learn and I do believe it is a learned skill.
While I had a terrific support system and a master of an attny I am really proud of myself that I finally realized I had to be happy on my own first and did not rely on another intimate/romantic R to get me through. That is not to say I didn't meet new people and enjoy it and open myself up to any possibility but I really needed to prove to myself I would be okay. And I think I am on my way! And I know you will be walking that same path very soon.
I appreciate Kimmie's hard line approach to my sitch and I am sure to include a measure of that as I manuever through these next steps in the divorce.
CityGirl - You articulated perfectly my sentiments in how I am getting through this. Same process, same stance, same positive outlook, same relection on myself and how I am allowing for the first time to take care of ME and my needs. My personal growth has been tremendous as well and every day I feel this newfound strength that I never knew existed within me. With all of the emotions of sadness, grief, loneliness, depression, anxiety, fear, I am also able to counter them with telling myself "Ok, it's ok that you're feeling this way, let yourself feel it" and then it's like I'm able to pull myself right back up instead of falling into the "pit of despair" and staying there. Thanks for sharing your experiences with me. They feel like a mirrored reflection of my journey and it's nice to know someone has followed this path and not just survived, but thrived in the end of it all.
Last night - I got home from work, could tell that H had not been home during the day. Got ready and went to my church meeting for the evening. Got home from that and H was home. I was a little busy in the kitchen and H mosied on in and just stood and chatted with me for a while. Then telling me about a funny movie he saw and that I had to see. Then he said let me put it on and I'll watch it again with you. So I watched the movie in the living room and he stayed and watched it to. He was right, it was very funny. The only reason I ventured to do this last night is that I was feeling extremely strong last night. I've had my emotions back in check for the last couple days. I looked great, felt great, and was projecting my PMA fiercly. It was NOT in the context of me feeling vulnerable, needy, or pathetically affected by H's recent insanity. Anywho, after the movie I went to bed.
Me-34 XH-33 No Kids We were M-12Y T-15Y 5/09 Same house-separate bedrooms 01/10 I filed for D / H moved out 09/16/10 Divorced
