I blew it today - in the holiday mode and too excited over his recent steps toward me - a mutual friend apparently invited H to a xmas party and like a non-DBer said, "Can I come?"
Ugh.
In some ways, it was an understandable question considering this is the first xmas we are separated and this mutual friend would normally invite us as a couple. Heck, this is the guy who married us!
So H was defensive and basically said I put him in an uncomfortable situation asking that question. I told him he should just be honest and we can figure out what's most comfortable for everyone. H is not great at talking.
And very conscious of my DB mistake, I am now kicking myself.
I guess since my H asked to come along to our "ski vacation" I figured maybe we were at the point of negotiating what we do alone or together.
Guess I'm supposed to wait for him to invite me or not?
Thanks, friends. We had a wonderful holiday. And I will just forget it. In fact, I don't think H is even going to go. Had a fabulous Christmas, and H and I had a night out alone in the city, first one since we broke up. I know we are supposed to not be M. So let's say we hung out as friends. I kept it light and happy, no R talks.
I hope you all had as good a holiday as you could considering everything. I have been thinking of you all and hoping for the best.
Another great day. H has been staying here all weekend, even though he is usually at his apt. on weekends. I know it's just for the holidays, but it feels so great. We spent time together as a family, just relaxing and having an at home vacation. I guess when H isn't working like a dog, he likes to be here. I told him that S is really happy when we're all together as a family. H replies, "Do you think so?" Seriously, is he that out of touch? I guess so. Fog. SO I explained.......but had no R talks about how much I miss him, etc. Kept it light and fun. And it was.
One slip today, when H was a complete jerk. Go figure. When I bring up what a jerk he's being he escalates. Of course. SO I just had to shut my mouth and move on. I hate it, but we're in MC now so he can't get away with abuse anymore.
And he never went to that party so this evening was even great. Laughing a lot and enjoying post-christmas treats and toys. Really enjoying family time. God I miss us being a family. I love having H home and parenting together. I worked so hard to not get my hopes up and just try to enjoy the moments.
I can't believe we are getting along so well. I never thought we'd have these days again.
H initiated R talk tonight. Amazing. Rare. Open. Changed from typical WAS script of "things will never change, we should have never been together" to a clear split of indecision. He wonders half the time if we should not be together, vs. the other half if he is avoiding. This is huge peeps.
And he has been mostly jovial, nice, and just plain normal. Not so angry and abusive. Things really shifted over this holiday week.
