Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[newmama]

This would be a good time for someone to invent suspended animation--just wake up on Jan. 4th and start over.

boy do I agree! If you scroll back, you will se a quote from Michele Weiner Davis that actually may support what you are saying. She pretty much says that if you were distant before the bomb, it's not necessarily good to be distant after. You should be doing a 180 of what you used to do.

food for thought...

[chatterbug]

... but remember he is having an affair.

[newmama]

Cutter, do you mean it is different for those of us who are separated because of infidelity? I didn't know that.

BTW, WH has our S today from 2-7. I have him all day tomorrow which is when my family comes over. That's why I am on here, off and on today. I am preparing the house, by myself, for our 16 relatives. Am not trying to sound like woe is me, but it is a big ordeal to manage alone. ANGRY FACE ANGRY FACE!

[chatterbug]

put on some good music. Dance around and clean and prepare as much stuff as possible for tomorrow.

[newmama]

good advice! I am signing off now!

[avermont]

That's the problem!

and thus my thread...how to 180 when you've been the aloof one...

Does the fact that he is in an A change the sitch?

If my more of the same is to withdraw, not pursue, not show affection...well, that's what I'm doing, acting exactly how he expects me to.

You see the problem!

So--I will have to ponder--maybe reading LL will help--if there is a way to initiate gentle contact.

I get it, I truly get it that while he is in the A he doesn't give two hoots about me; but if I just keep doing what I have always done--the sitch won't change.

Well. You all have Xmas events to take care of and cleaning and baking and such.

I hope the holidays go as well as they can, and I will check back in during my long travel days on Saturday and Sunday.

Be well-

[newmama]

OK just had to say that I worked my BUTT off and did it all by myself! WH just dropped off our S a little early and noted all of the work I did (moving around furniture, cleaning, cooking). He said S was fussy (HAHA!!!)Neither of us said Merry Christmas and I didn't hug him although I thought about it earlier. He lingered a little and then left.

Whooo...will have a spiked egg nog to reward myself for all of my hard work!

[newmama]

Avermont, it could be good if you do not email or contact except or bill paying. He will notice that you stopped communicating if you hav been doing it all along. When you meet for bill paying, look fantastic snd drop hints about what you've been doing. You can also show neediness by asking his advice This process could take several months. You have a shared history on your side. Meanwhile live your life; put him on the back burner. His A WILL END!

[newmama]

WS manual:
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=141606

[avermont]

Oh, help here...

Newmama, I really have not been communicating except for the bills, and the 2 little emails (since October)

but I am shattered right now-I emailed X's mom to see if he was here in town on Xmas eve so I could feel safe going out to the bar last night. Which I did, and was glad I did so.

But his mom just emailed back that they left on Tuesday (my birthday)
to fly to Chicago (her family) and then will go visit her in AZ for a long weekend.

Everyone--X has a very difficult relationship with his mom. She is not very pleasant, and hard to introduce sig others to--just because he is awkward and embarrassed around her, and she can be awkward.

HOW SERIOUS is this!!! he goes to her fam AND his mom for Xmas. This is no flash in the pan. this is real.

Well, I shouldn't ask for information if I can't handle it. Now I am weeping and sobbing on the floor. Guess that feeling of detachment I had on Monday is out the window.

X's mom is on my side, but of course she will be polite and of course wants her son to be happy no matter what.

But I have just knocked myself a 2x10 to the head, and am just crumpled up with renewed grief.

5 LL--whatever! Clearly the OW speaks his LL clearly enough.

I thought there might be some shred of hope because at our last bill paying it was a total turn around from the first--he initiated conversation, and at the end, introduced another topic--prolonging the contact.

But maybe that's just him relaxing as the guilt and uncertainty fades, and he settles happily into his new life.

Sorry to be a drag on Xmas, everyone.

Back to the kleenex---