I did not misread. Let's just say that at twice your age, I have a larger outlook than you do. No one would ascribe that letter to a "strong, beautiful, decisive woman", they would say it was written by someone who rides a broomstick. As far as your husband's hatred of his parents, you will be building bridges for them very quickly. Blood is thicker than water, as they say. A strong, beautiful, decisive woman is loving, not hateful to the people in her life, and she would not be threatened by a cookie for breakfast. Nor would she blame a child's tantrum on another adult.
I don't have a thread of my own, I sometimes write my thoughts on Sara's thread, as she is no longer on DB, but she had a lot of good advice.
Nope, haven't mastered that broom-riding thing yet...darn takeoffs...
I'm a bad parent because I don't allow cookies and pie for breakfast? I should ignore the noticeable increase in my child's bad behavior after exposure to my in-laws? Setting limits for them proves for a change that I love and respect myself.
Obviously we are destined to disagree. I can live with that. Being twice my age does not make you wise, nor an authority on how I should handle life. I shared something I found funny and empowering. You disagreed. Fine. I doubt you will be the only one. However, nowhere in your responses can I find anything constructive.
undefeated 24 H 24 S's 4, 2, 1 M 5 yrs
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." ~Dale Carnegie
I totally agree with you Lotus. Totally. That is in no way a response a strong, confident, woman with self esteem communicates to not only in laws, but most anybody.
It should have been done either face to face or at the very least on the phone. Hiding behind an email shows weakness.
Mostly I would agree about the e-mail vs talking face to face. However, her preferred method of communication is online. I also thought I could prevent the situation from escalating.
undefeated 24 H 24 S's 4, 2, 1 M 5 yrs
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." ~Dale Carnegie
So I'm really big on music. Not that I myself am musical, LOL. But music speaks to me. And I thought I'd share some of my favorites. Some for the situation I find myself in now, some just because. Check them out if you'd like. Be warned, some make me cry, but even those make me feel better. I think sometimes I need to cry too.
1. No Fear by Terri Clark - this is very empowering and I highly recommend this one; no tears, only smiles here
2. I Hope You Dance by Lee Ann Womack - remember to live, my friends
3. Find Out Who Your Friends Are by Tracey Lawrence - some will fall away, but some will walk the whole way with you, no matter what
4. Jesus Take the Wheel by Carrie Underwood - I don't have to be a Christian to feel the power of hope and surrender to something bigger than myself
5. Sounds Like Life to Me by Darryl Worley - Sometimes I just need to pick myself up and mentally shake myself; this is no dress rehearsal
6. If You're Going Through Hell by Rodney Atkins - need I explain?
7. Love Lives On by Mallory Hope - this one is touchy. I balled the first time I heard it, but I needed the message too
8. Stand by Rascal Flatts - we're stronger than we think
9. It Happens by Sugarland - because it makes me laugh
I have much more to tell you all, but I thought of this and wanted to share. I hope the music you need finds you at just the right moment.
undefeated 24 H 24 S's 4, 2, 1 M 5 yrs
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." ~Dale Carnegie
Hi undefeated. Did you get a response from either your inlaws or your H about the letter? I think that you should definately go dark with the inlaws for at least a little while.
I like "Im yours" by Jason Mraz, there are a few lines in that song that really helped me gain perspective during the hardest times in my sitch.
Ready for Christmas?
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
My H's response was ambiguous and it's making me edgy. Here's what he said:
"holy crap......wow uhhh not sure what to say there."
What the hell does that mean??
I mean, the whole point of doing a 180 is to change the results. My husband has never really liked dealing with my constant complaining about his mom. He can't stand her; he hates talking to her.
I identified my "more of the same" behavior as allowing my MIL to do something I consider wrong and then say nothing. I would then fume about it, whine to my H, probably get so mad I would cry, and he would take no action.
So I changed my approach. I don't feel wrong about the message I sent them, nor even how I sent it. I think I was right. But I'm sort of scared not knowing or understanding my H's response. What if he doesn't back me up? Giving myself permission to speak up felt good, and I was proud of myself. I expected some negative feedback (on here), and boy did I ever get it. But they managed to sow some doubts. Like I said, not about what I did, just about what he is thinking and/or how he will respond.
LOL, I hope to stay dark with them. I don't like the contact. But I felt like it was time. If I am going to take back my life it has to start with the hardest part. And for me that is never fighting my own battles.
No, I'm not ready. My SIL and niece are here. I am being polite but firm. I won't have it out with her for my mom's sake (high BP, risk of early heart attack, serious anxiety problems). But I also am continuing to assert my own self-worth. Believe it or not I have the ability to say "no" and to not do things I don't want to. Who knew?
The gifts are wrapped, all the food is prepped, and I am still trying to figure out how to make it through the day. My H doesn't like holidays. He ignores them, and us. So another 180. He always says he wants nothing as a gift. Then every year I go out of my way to find him something creative and unique. So this year I got him what he asked for...nothing. My parents insisted (got him a subscription to his favorite magazine), but not me. And I'm worried about that too. Which is worse, if he's hurt that I didn't get him anything? Or if he simply doesn't care? I hate not knowing...
I won't call him tomorrow. But I admit to this tiny sliver of hope that he will call us. And then I want to mentally shake myself for it. Like I need to set myself up for disappointment.
I'm hoping to get an invite to the DB Xmas group still.
undefeated 24 H 24 S's 4, 2, 1 M 5 yrs
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." ~Dale Carnegie
Now, really, you cant unsend the email, and if you were bound and determined to send it, giving your H a heads up was probably a good idea.
As far as having second thoughts and doubts, well, that ship has sailed. And if you show self doubt after your 180, it will all backfire.
I think that you can absolutely assert your self worth without having it out with anyone- in fact, refusing to have it out with her might rob her of some satisfaction, and then you win too!
Im glad that you have a plan for tomorrow, it hopefully will take some of the stress out of it for you, I dont think that you should call him, and hopefully he will call- if he does, give the phone straight to the kids!
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
You're right - I was always going to send it. Like I said, I thought, and still think, it was a necessary step for me to take. Not knowing what's going on with my H is what's bugging me. I don't need tarot cards, LOL; I need a crystal ball or ESP!
"Having it out" was definitely the wrong expression. We don't argue at all. But there are other ways of getting in digs, and she's pretty good. So I'm not rising, not taking the bait.
I've got some other stuff to pick your brain over, but I haven't gotten it all typed up yet. It has to do with steps I'm trying to take to recover from bipolar disorder in relation to trying to take steps toward repairing my marriage and making the two mesh. Because if life were easy for a few minutes I don't know what I'd do with myself. LOL
undefeated 24 H 24 S's 4, 2, 1 M 5 yrs
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." ~Dale Carnegie
Nope, haven't mastered that broom-riding thing yet...darn takeoffs...
What the hell does that mean??
Like I said, I thought, and still think, it was a necessary step for me to take. Not knowing what's going on with my H is what's bugging me. I don't need tarot cards, LOL; I need a crystal ball or ESP!