I am sorry, but I'm going to suggest you take it down a notch -- and this is for your sake. Let me explain: the less alike our situations are to each other, the better off you are.
Yes, we can point out some circumstantial similarities between our families and our spouses and our ordeals, but I honestly believe that's where they need to end -- or else you're facing a serious world of hurt coming your way in your own sitch. The more alike they are the more trouble you would likely be in for.
My ex has emphatically told me her love for me ended a long time ago. She has said ILYBIANILWY once during the bomb -- since then it has been pure "I don't love you" and more "I abhor you". On this, she has not relaxed one micron. Furthermore, my ex has some serious deep-seated emotional and psychological problems that have always tainted her R's with men. Through IC and a lot of reflection, I have come to the conclusion that she has problems that I cannot overcome, nor would be able to overcome even if she hadn't gotten herself involved with OM -- and certainly not without her cooperation.
As such, my M was DB-proof. My xW is completely DB-proof, and any approach to her, whether using DB or not, always yielded more and more negative results. Anything I said or or did, or did not say or do, was greeted the same way -- as more fuel for her to end our M.
The very fact that you are seeing any sign of positive fruit with your ex should tell you just how utterly different our situations really are from each other. And for your sake, I'd count that as a good thing.
If my ex were to suddenly say she wanted to not only mend the bridges but be willing to try to fully reconcile, first, I'd have to recover myself from floor due to the utter shock, and then I'd have to decline. In my case, my ex has proven to me, without a shadow of a doubt, that the person she had previously wanted me to believe in - the one with kindness, moral values and integrity -- is totally gone (if she ever really existed at all). These last two years she has managed to finally convince me that the faith and trust I had always placed in her was now totally misguided -- she has and always will operate out of her own self interest and will sacrifice me and anyone else to get what she perceives as "happiness". (And then try to convince herself and others she acts only for other people's benefit and not her own.)
So, her hypothetical return to me would undoubtedly be driven by her perceived well-being and not for me or my kids. Now that I've seen behind the mask, I know her enough now to conclude that she will go to her grave before ever admitting (let alone rectifying) her mistakes with me, especially to me. I wish to God Almighty I was wrong on that.
I really hope and pray your ex is the total opposite of my xW.
