WAW and 4 kids

[tryingtilDorR]

It ended up being an interesting day on Tuesday all around.

First, I got a job offer that blew me away. It is the type of thing I would have been thrilled about any time before the bomb and probably the best thing that has come along for me in about 10 years, but given that I may be a single parent soon I am worried that I won't be able to focus on it like I will need to. My current job is very easy and I can work at home anytime, but doesn't pay as much.

Next, I was actually able to get in to see the L as well after they first said he would be booked. He told me that the only way that I would have to pay W any money if she left and rented anything is if she files for Divorce or Separation, which I suspected. He also told me I should 'finesse' her into leaving and getting to a mediator to file a Separation or Divorce to protect myself. He told me to be nice to her and don't get her riled up so that you can get through mediation.

As far as the specific issues of debate - how much she will be expected to work - he again confirmed that she won't be able to justify continuing to work part time and that her L knows that as well. In addition, he said mediator will also make her face that issue also given that they know how it would end up if it went to court.

Again, this is why he told me to finesse her into moving out and mediation. He said the settlement we end up with will be virtually the same whether we go through mediation or retain Ls - it is just that the latter option will cost us up to $20k most likely. Also, he warned that the typical script here is that the W bails on mediation as soon as they don't get the answers they think they are 'entitled' to, and start listening to divorced friends or an attorney that tells them to go for more (which they will waste money trying to get in my case it seems).

So, after the L discussion I changed my attitude a bit. I told her:

TDR: I agree to pay you if you rent something but we need to get into a mediator - I think they will really help us sort out our issues.

<no response from W>

TDR: The job I was offered will require a lot of my focus and energy and I am worried because kids will need me now more than ever.

She then sent me a series of messages stating things like there isn't much difference if I am gone since she would have the kids when I am gone and that she will be coming and going since she needs to come home to see her pets since she can't have pets in a rental.

I need her to really separate - not continue cake eating by renting her own place and then coming and going as she pleases. This would all get hammered out in mediation I believe as well.