Now more than ever!

[TooLateForMe]

Depression can be a hard thing to recognize for the depressed person. If you see things through a particular lens for so long, you get used to it. It becomes normal and difficult to see as different from anyone else's viewpoint. I've had this particular problem and the one lesson I've learned is to listen to my W and other family when they show concern for my wellbeing.

You're getting a lot of advice about setting your boundaries and general "take charge" kind of stuff. My advice is to show loving concern for her, realizing that she is not fully herself. She may respond positively toward you if she feels you're a safe rock in a turbulent world.

This isn't to say you shouldn't be practical or unrealistic. Extreme behavior shouldn't be rewarded and you should look after yourself, but in the end you want to protect and value your spouse. That's the point of M, even if your partner wants out. It's a tough balance, I know from experience. And it's easy to make mistakes that you'll regret.

I look at it like this: in 5 years my W and I will be together or not, but looking back at "now" how do I want to have acted? Even if we don't reconcile, I want to look back and see that even under the most trying circumstances I at least meant well and tried to be a caring man to the people I loved.