Wow. With all the stuff on your plate I'm stressed out. In reality however what do you have to do right now. Take a breath. You're stressed over July and it is only December. Seriously, find a way to stay in the moment. You remind me of myself. With idle time my thoughts run 1000 miles a minute.
Have a good trip to WI.
Merry Christmas to you and yours.
_________________________ Me-41 W-39 M-15 yrs T-17 yrs D-12 S-9 S-8 B 5/08 S 1/09
Good pick me up with the note from the boss. That's always nice to know that your work is appreciated.
As to the rest.........the time will come to think about those. Stay in the now. If you focus on too much in the future you will only keep yourself stuck. Like C-Bart said, what do you have to do right now? Tomorrow? Maybe early next week? Nothing further ahead than that, ok? Deal?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Long, fun, emotional, strange night. Picked up girls after work and took them to my sister's husband's family's Christmas Eve celebration.
It's a big family with lots of kids. It was a little slow at first, but the kids got familiar with each other and by the end of the night, about 10:45 p.m., I had to drag D7 out of there.
My sister and I got to talk a lot more. It was me mostly bouncing from hope to despair -- the stuff you see on the boards. File, wait it out.
It was raining and pretty windy so I took it easy on the way home. This kind of put W in a bind. She couldn't put out the rest of the presents and stocking stuff until the girls were home and in bed because D7 still believes in Santa.
We got back about 12:30 a.m. and I carried both D7, who weighs 60 pounds, and D10, who weighs about 105, into the house.
W was laughing as I brought D10 in. She's way too tall now for W to pick up.
W asked me to help get them in bed. It felt great to do that.
As I was saying goodnight to D10, she begged me to ask W to come along with us on Saturday. So I did and she said no, she had a morning meeting to go to and it lasts until noon.
I did not rush out of the house. I didn't exactly linger. I just got my stuff on a little slowly. She asked about the party -- D7 showed her pictures from my camera. I asked about her night.
She was talking about still having to put the stuff in the stockings so I asked if she needed help. She said yes and I ended up carrying the rest of the presents up from downstairs. She spent a lot. I can see why she has been broke.
We put the presents out and she stuffed the stockings. On the way out, she asked if I wanted to come over and see them open the presents.
I really, really, really do not. It's going to be hard emotionally. But I said yes. I told her I'd bring my presents, but really they aren't wrapped and I'd rather have the girls open them here so I'll make up a story that I had planned on wrapping them Friday while they were at their grandmother's and I was too tired to do it this morning.
It was extremely comfortable and nice to be there. I know asking W if she wanted to come with on Saturday -- on top of asking her to church Thursday -- is pursuing.
I do not know if tonight got me any closer to my goal of having W fall back in love with me. I do feel like it keeps her from moving forward with divorcing me.
Does that make sense -- she still doesn't "feel" love for me, but doesn't want to go the extra step of breaking up the family?
Lord, I still love W. That much I know. And I pray next year, at this time, when all the hubub is done with the presents, that we go downstairs and go to sleep in the same bed.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
There a a few reasons why your wife can't get her feelings back for you..
#1.. There IS another man. It would be a big step forward for you to face that. People that "cling to hope" sometimes have a very hard time facing facts and the realities of what is REALLY going on. Denial takes over. You ARE in denial. The signs are all there. I have been at this for over 20 years and can't tell you how many times I have seen men such as you be in denial. You can't really move forward without all the facts or until you face the facts. What your wife has been doing is classic. It isn't new. It isn't different.
#2... Since she IS having an affair or interest in another man, then she views YOU as weak. She thinks she has given you every "hint" in the book and you still won't let go. This causes her feelings for you to be more of feeling sorry for you than respect. She would respect you more (which helps a woman to love a man) if you would show her that YOU GET IT. She doesn't want you. When a man shows a woman that he "gets it", then the dynamics in the relationship start to change. You are showing her you don't get it. She can see right through your "trying." It comes across as desperate. Almost as if you are begging for her to fall back in love with you if only you do the "right" things. That is NOT working for you. The reason again goes back to the fact that she has given her thoughts and heart to someone else. If that wasn't the case, then she would have NO reason to not give you a chance. You need to understand this dynamic because it is TRUE.
3# Asking her out is NOT going to work. She is involved with someone else. She doesn't want to hurt you. She doesn't feel you can emotionally handle it. (Can you?) Women are NOT attracted to men who seem emotionally weak. So, again, all the things that you are doing that you hope and think are working, are actually NOT working. Matter of fact, they are working AGAINST you because you aren't showing the natural male qualities that women are attracted to. It is one thing to be there for a woman when she WANTS to be with you and freely gives her love to you, but it works the opposite to be there for a woman that is giving you every sign she can without being mean, by trying to "nice guy" her into loving you. THAT does NOT work.
Your answer is to first realize and do what is necessary for you to realize and know she has her sights on another man. This would help you to understand why she is doing what she is doing. Facing that issue is terribly important. Denial is holding YOU back. Please stop the denial. Women don't just suddenly want out and then not try again when the man makes changes UNLESS there is someone else in the picture or unless there is some terrible abuse that has gone on. AND even when there has been terrible abuse, many times the woman STILL gives the man a "second chance" if there is no other man..
I would hope this doesn't hurt you, but it is such a waste of time to watch a guy like you continue to go on and on and on focusing on the wrong things and the wrong reasons only to be let down in the end...
Get a detective, snoop, whatever.. Find out the TRUTH. First and foremost...
Thanks for posting this, Gucci. It is something I read here often but it doesn’t hurt to be reminded almost daily. It is paradoxical and sometimes hard to get one’s around, but it is true. The only chance a man has of getting his wife back is to let her go. A woman will never be attracted to a clinging man.
H: 50 W: 48 Married 20 years Bomb and separation: 9/12/09 A discovered 12/02/09 http://tinyurl.com/yctnhec
I realize it is hard for some guys to grasp. Those who don't grasp it are the ones on here that just can't stop trying and then wonder what more they can do.
Should I ask her out again, it has been two weeks? How can I ask her without it being pressure? (you can't) Maybe she will see the changes in me
And the list goes on and on...
The men that have the MOST success are the ones who GET THE MESSAGE that the woman gives them.
Clinging's wife IS giving him the message. He just doesn't understand that she needs him to show her that he DOES get it..
That message is ... "I don't feel I love you. I want out." etc. etc.. The sooner he lets her know that he has had an awakening that communicates this to her... " I get it. You don't love me and me trying to show you I have changed and me trying to hang in there isn't changing the way you feel about me" I now get it and will leave you alone and will stop ANY AND ALL pursuit, anything that looks like pursuit, anything that smells like pursuit.... You are on your own now baby.. I GOT the message. I don't know what took me so long to get it.. I do now..
THAT is when the dynamic has the best chance to turn around. Not before that happens. (as we have observed and seen)
This all has to do with the OM. It really does. Right now she won't let go of the OM anymore than Clinging is letting go of her.
Sorry that it has to be that way, but it is the way it is.
