"I know the author of this forum has written a book for HD women with LD men, and I'm sure there are many such couples out of the millions in this country. But it is not as common as your situations, or my situation, or the situation Leno jokes about all the time."
ssmguy...it IS just as common, its just that HD men with LD wives will complain openly about it, whereas HD women with LD husbands are too ashamed to complain openly about it. Why? Because the first reaction they will get from anyone they complain to is "maybe he's gay."
Whereas, when an HD man complains about his LD wife, whoever he complains to might say "maybe you aren't doing something right to turn her on" or "maybe you need to meet more of her emotional needs"...but they will NOT say "maybe she's gay".
This is a cultural issue that has to do with how we are raised, what we learned from previous generations, and what is going on in the world around us. Things are changing and future generations will not have this strange discrepancy. Future generations will realize that there are HD and LD people of BOTH SEXES and that the only real problem with this is that the HD people should marry HD people, and LD people should marry LD people. I personally know several women who are HD whose men are LD, it is NOT UNCOMMON.
Low desire does not favor a particular gender, ssmguy...it is only the fact that no woman wants to hear that the reason her man doesn't want sex may be because he is gay, because if that is the case then there is no hope for her at all.
I believe that as we grow and mature into our own adulthoods, we tend to think that whatever we are experiencing is "normal". Therefore, when we hear of something outside of our experience, we assume it must not be "normal". When we dig a little deeper though, we may find that our experience is actually NOT normal and it takes a lot of self-education to figure out what "normal" actually is. By this time, our self confidence may be shredded, because now we do not know how to gauge the world. Our assumptions about our own experience being normal is actually a hindrance to our development.
I wanted to mention something about sexual abuse survivors, too...
Both men and women who were sexually abused as children have different emotional results and reactions to it when they grow up.
Some of them can separate the abuse from their development to a large degree and have a normal sex life, with very little fallout.
Some of them end up being very closed off about sex and will avoid it because it triggers abuse memories (or even subconscious bad feelings with no memories). Many in this category will tend to project their feelings about their abuser onto their adult sex partners.
Some of them end up being wildly sexual, but it is hollow and not fulfilling. Many in this category end up being sex addicts.
MOST STRIPPERS fall into that last category. MOST STRIPPERS, PROSTITUTES AND PORN STARS WERE SEXUALLY ABUSED. I personally feel that there is nothing morally wrong with a woman who is healthy and happy with her body and wants to share it visually with others, but this would be only about 1% of strippers. In reality, the other 99% are participating in a form of self-abuse, which is related to the abuse they suffered as children. Therefore, if you as a man are going to a strip club, to you it may just be about pleasure and arousal...but you are actually participating in the further abuse of these strippers because they are in the middle of an act of self-abuse. Most strippers also have drug issues, usually as a result of trying to deal with the way they are abusing their own bodies and trying to escape from the pain of it.
That's why, in your case ssmguy, it seems horrible for you to go to strippers...these women have been abused just like your wife was, they are just acting it out in a different way. I really wish you would take this into consideration, but I'm sure you will just feel that I am making one of my "American Agonized Moral Statements As Related to Puritan Values". (LOL!)
One more thing...
ssmguy...In my opinion, you have also suffered a form of abuse. The projection by your wife of her abuse issues onto you, to the extent that it has made you feel like a pervert simply for wanting to have a normal sex life, was abusive to you. Not that she realized she was doing this, but her issues have caused her to also abuse you.
If you could possibly get her to see this point, through therapy or whatever, then maybe there could be some hope for your marriage...
