K4D It's a Wonderful Life

[K4D]

No K4, she's not ready to get back together. But you knew that already. She MAY be ready to hang out some though...if you keep up the positives, she may well be. So do that. And take ONE step at a time...it is a long road. So is marriage.

Nope, she is not ready to reconcile yet, and I did know that and was fully prepared for that. Like you said, I am just taking it one step at a time and staying patient while trying to keep up the positives.

Kevin

[K4D]

Bingo... You are letting some of these women treat you like your wife does.. Think about it... They are only doing this because you allow it and keep apologizing. Stand up to them. It will be good practice for how to deal with your wife. You actually haven't been wrong on a number of issues that you have allowed others to convince you of being wrong on. You are just fine. Don't let them talk you into believing anything differently. YOUR reality is what matters. Don't let others opinions get turned into "facts" just because they say.

I'm not sure this is the place to practice standing up especially when I am seeking advice to apply for my sitch and I am graciously being given it here. I also don't think standing up here would benefit me in people trying to offer advice and help. And I don't think anyone here needs to be stood up to as everyone is trying to help me. The best thing I can do here is listen and apply what is being offered for my sitch. On top of that, I just don't really see anything to stand up to on here anyways. Standing up to people on here is going to cause me to lose advice that might have helped me. Have to keep an open mind on these boards and take in all the great advice given so I can better help my sitch.

I don't really think I am being pushed around. I listen and choose from what everyone advises me and and apply what seems to work best for my sitch from the help offered here.

For instance, yesterday W asked me if I had plans last night. Instead of answering her yes or no, I texted back saying "whats up?". Based on what was going on, I would decide whether or not I wanted to adjust what I already had going on. That was a decision I made. When she explained what was up, I decided that was worth doing.

I do think some of the things I have decided in the past were valid, but I certainly wasn't right on all of it, or even perhaps a lot of it. I also know that I don't know everything and there is a lot of knowledge and experiences from people that can greatly benefit me on here. I don't think it is weak to admit that someone else's advice is better than my own. I find that smart to see that and apply the better peice of advice from someone else than something stupid I may have done in place of it.

I know not everyone agrees on here with everyone as we all have similar but different circumstances. Some of us have different goals for where we are right now. Thats ok. Some of us have goals that have fluctuated at times and even back and forth. That is ok. This is a hard situation for most people to be in. Ultimately everyone wants to come out of it in a better situation than they went into it with in whatever form that may be.

But Gucci, I don't disagree with you or SM or CG or others that have said I need to make decisions and stands on my own. I do, but I pick and choose those times. And sometimes I miss the opportunities to apply it best. It is still a learning process. But I think I am learning as I continue on.

Kevin

[K4D]

Exactly, even though I'm not a woman. You don't have to agree with me on what color socks to wear.

You need not worry here. I had already made my decision on socks from learning something about fashion trends here lately. lol.

Kevin

[K4D]

W told me her mom wanted to know if they could just take the girls with them to their annual Christmas family dinner tonight since I am going to hit the store for a bit to finish up last minute stuff after work before I pick up the girls. W said dinner would start for them at 7 and they would be gone for a couple of hours. All the family would be there. No I was not invited with the girls. So basically I wouldn't get to spend any time with the girls tonight.

I said no. I won't be shopping that long as I am only hitting walmart right after work and then picking up the girls and I told W me and the girls have plans tonight. W said she agreed and figured the same thing. W also said she didn't think the girls liked that greek restaurant we go to every year anyways.

My feeling is we will all be spending Christmas day together and her mother can see the girls then. I have already given the girls up enough this month for her mother which is primarily the reason I was finally invited to join the family for Christmas. But not tonight. Tonight is my night with the girls.

It looks like we are going to go ahead and get D7 that Nintendo DSI and split the cost and hold back some of her presents for her birthday in 3 weeks. D7 will be ecstatic.

Kevin

[K4D]

Interestingly enough,

W also once again last night reiterated how tired she is growing of her mom being in her life and is looking forward to moving further away from her this summer. I said nothing to that. I will do my own thing while that situation plays out on its own.

But in reality, the further those 2 grow apart, the easier it will be for me and W to reconcile at some point in the future as MIL was a major obstacle for me. The best thing I can do is stay completely out of it and just focus on me and my girls and my life and see what comes about which is what I am doing.

Kevin

[Startingover2]

Well, her mom will never completely go away LOL but I know how outside influences don't make it better.

Hope you have a wonderful Christmas and you have some peace for the next few days.

[CityGirl]

Merry Christmas, Kevin.

Enjoy the weekend and all the best on Monday (job meeting).

AND... NO WHITE SOCKS!

[K4D]

Thanks SO2 and CG,

I wish yall a very Merry Christmas as well.

Kevin

[K4D]

Last night D12 told me that W is taking them bowling with her "friend" coming up from out of town this weekend. W had told me that she was going to go bowling with him but conveniently failed to mention she was taking the girls to. Apparently she has been talking to them about him and he helped D12 with a homework assignment. He is a teacher down in south texas Corpus Christi area. I fumed inside as I know she spends a lot of time talking to him on the phone each day. This doesn't appear to be just some friend.

I made a mistake when talking to D12 last night and blurted out that W has no business introducing our girls to other men in her life. I shouldn't have said it. I should have controlled myself. I was pissed that she is trying to involve our girls in her affairs now. What kind of example is that. Their married mother doing this in front of them and trying to involve them. My feeling is that if she wants to continue with her affairs, that is her business and there is nothing I can do about that. But to be pulling our girls into it, that is pure and total crap. So yes, I get to sit and think on that this weekend.

Do I set my boundary on this one? It may have already been set by me stupidly blurting that out last night after D12 told me about it. I am sure it will get back to W. Nothing I can do about it now.

At the same time, why would I endorse something like this? Why would I show any sign of approval on that behavior? This is more than likely going to push us closer to D which is not what I want. It just seems like there is no winning in this. If I say anything to W, she will immediately become defensive and defiant about it. If I don't say anything, she drags my girls into her personal affairs with her. They don't need other men coming in and out of their life especially knowing their mom is married.

<sigh>

Kevin

[Steve McQueen]

Do I set my boundary on this one?

You Can't. Don't Try.